The Longer You Hold onto Things, the Heavier They Get: What can you put down?

Welcome And A Line That Stings

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Welcome to Real Talkatina and Anne. I am Anne, and this is a little short segment from Wah. And I was watching Happy's Place. I don't know if you know that show. Reba is on it. She's one of my favorite actresses, singers, all of that. And when we happen to be watching it, uh the daughter from her original show, Reba, who is also on Steel Magnolias, and she's one of my favorite characters on Steel Magnolias, was on Happy's Place. And she says on it, the longer that you hold on to things, the heavier they get. And I don't know about you, but I can really relate with that statement. As I've been writing my book, Loving Differently, I realized it's about recognizing what we've been carrying for years that we were never meant to carry

Naming The Invisible Weight

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in the first place. That's really what loving differently has become to me. A journey of laying things down. Today I want to talk about the weight we carry and why we carry it and why healing often begins the moment that we decide that something no longer belongs on our shoulders. If I ask you what you're carrying today, maybe your first answer would be a phone, my backpack, my bag, my computer and work stuff. But that's not what I mean. I'm talking about emotional weight, the things that we can't see, the shame, fear, resentment, disappointment, the pressure to perform, the pressure to be everything for everyone. Old words maybe somebody spoke to us, the expectations that we have for ourselves. You know, we carry these things for so long that we begin to believe that they're simply part of who we are, but they aren't. One of the strangest things about human beings is how adaptable we are. If someone handed you a 50-pound backpack

Trauma And The Survival Backpack

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today, you would notice it immediately. But then you carry it for 20 years. That's what trauma does: grief, shame, masking. We become accustomed to the weight, not because it belongs there, but because we've forgotten what freedom feels like. We don't realize how freeing it feels to put it down. One of the unexpected gifts that Loving Differently gave me has been realizing how much of my life was spent carrying things that never belonged to me. And as a child, I carried responsibilities that belonged to adults. I carried secrets and silence and shame that wasn't mine. Later, I carried diagnoses, the autism and the ADHD, dyslexia, fetal alcohol. Then I carried masking. I was trying to fit in, I was trying to perform, I was trying to become acceptable, trying to make everyone comfortable while quietly disappearing myself.

What I Carried That Was Not Mine

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What I've realized in writing this book is something that I wish that I had not I had known and decided long ago. I'm done adapting to survive. I want to live. And there's a difference. Survival says carry everything. Healing says you can finally put this down. My children changed the way that I looked at weight. Every one of them has taught me something different. One taught me that needs are not weaknesses, and I wish I would have known that sooner. Another taught me that vulnerability isn't dangerous. I was always afraid to be vulnerable. Another taught me that love doesn't have to look the same to be real. They also taught me something that I hadn't realized about myself. I'd been carrying an impossible expectation that I had to be the perfect mom, the perfect woman, the perfect advocate, the perfect wife or godly person or the perfect friend, the perfect everything. No wonder we're exhausted, right? Not because life is hard, but we're trying to be perfect

What My Kids Taught Me

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on top of it. One of the greatest lessons that my children have taught me is that connection has never required perfection. It only requires our presence. Sometimes we think holding on to anger protects us. Holding on to not forgiving somebody is what they deserve. It gives us what we need to feel better about what happened to us. Sometimes we think guilt keeps us humble. Sometimes we think shame keeps us from repeating our mistakes. Sometimes we think if we let go that we're saying it didn't matter. And that was one of the biggest things that I had to realize is that I was afraid that if I let go of what happened to somebody in my life, I needed to carry their pain. I really did believe that. I I still to this day have believed that if I put it down, that they will be forgotten. But I want to carry it in a different way, in a healthier way, in a way that they will never be forgotten. And that's what this book is about, and that's what this platform is about, is that we can carry our pain in a much different way. It's okay to let go, but letting go doesn't erase what happened. It simply refuses to let yesterday become tomorrow. Imagine your life

Why Letting Go Feels Wrong

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as a backpack. Every hurt, every disappointment, every criticism and betrayal and diagnosis and failure in fear is another rock that you're putting in there that you're carrying around. Now imagine carrying that backpack for decades. Of course you're tired. Of course you're overwhelmed and anxious. The answer isn't always becoming stronger. In fact, it makes us weaker to carry it around. And sometimes the answer is just that we need to take inventory and ask, what was I never meant to carry? As I sit here writing this manuscript, this chapter after chapter and editing and going over it. And you know, it has forced me to ask one question. What can finally stay in the past? What can I put down? Not because I didn't matter, but because I don't want to spend another 30 years carrying it. I didn't want my children carrying things that belong to someone else. I don't want them carrying shame or perfectionism or silence or fear. I want them to know something that it took me decades to learn. Healing isn't pretending nothing happened. Healing is learning what belongs to you and having the courage to put the rest down and even those

What Are You Still Carrying

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things that did belong to us that we might have done or that we did do for sure, that we just need to put those down too. So today I want to ask you one thing. What are you still carrying? Someone else's opinion? A mistake? A diagnosis? A relationship? A dream that changed? A childhood wound, an adult wound, a burden that was never yours? Because whatever it is, the longer that you hold on to it, the heavier it becomes. And one of my favorite lines I've written in Loving Differently is this You adapted to survive. Now you get to live. Maybe living isn't about becoming someone else. Maybe it's about becoming lighter. Maybe freedom doesn't come from caring more. Maybe it comes from finally laying something down. If today's episode spoke to you, I hope that you'll share it with someone who may be caring more than they realize. And as we always say, until next time, remember that there is purpose in the pain and there is hope in the journey. And sometimes the strongest thing that you'll ever do is let go. And remember, we will see you next time.