One of the Greatest Tragedies in Life Is Not Failure. It's Quitting Before We Get to the Other Side.

A Message After Adassa

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Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne. I am Anne. And this is a little off the cuff. I just got done doing an episode with Adassa from Encanto. She is the voice of Dolores in the movie Encanto. And whenever I come out of episodes lots of times, I come out with all kinds of thoughts and feelings about, and it triggers many, many episodes in me. I just spent so much time reading her book, Love Keeps Showing Up, and listen to her album, Drink It Up. And while I do those things, uh, I just my mind is constantly stirring. And in the discussion that I had with her, this thing just kept going through my head about don't let the hard stop the calling. And I know how many times I've had things happen and I want to quit right there. I don't want to push through. And it it's so hard to get to the other side and see that that's where the success is because it really does feel as if I just can't. And and you stop before it. And I have found so many times that when I really do push through, I don't every time. But in the times that I have done that, that was where the success

The Lie That Calling Is Easy

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was. There is a lie that many of us believe. The lie is that if something is really from God, it should be easy, or doors are just gonna open. That if we are walking in purpose, doors should open effortlessly. That if we are following God's plan, we won't encounter resistance. I think that that is the complete opposite, honestly. What if some of the things God has called us to do requires us to walk through difficult seasons before we ever see the fruit? Today I want to talk about something that has been on my heart lately. And it's been since the episode with Adassa. Don't let the heart stop the calling. Because if I had quit when things got difficult, I would have missed some of the greatest blessings of my life. I want you to think about something. What if you had almost quit? Maybe it was a marriage, maybe it was a dream, maybe it was a business, maybe it was your healing in whatever journey it is that you're walking. Maybe it was simply getting out of bed and facing another day. Most people don't quit because they're weak. Most people quit because we are tired. And we see one hurdle after another, one block after another, and we really believe this is it.

Sloth Speed And Staying The Course

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When I listened to Adassa's episode back, it made me really realize how much God had given her the tools to push through. But even with that, there were so many opportunities for her to stop. I mean, when she got COVID and she was paralyzed, right when she was supposed to show up for her role as Dolores, that she continued even though she just moved forward at sloth speed. She trained hard at sloth speed. And that says so much about who she is.

Writing Through Injuries And Chaos

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You know, I I wrote a memoir, Loving Differently. And in that memoir, I I really pour out my heart. I mean, there's like 44 chapters, and there were so many things that went on while I, this is actually funny. There were so many things that happened while I was writing this book. One is that we were putting a chair together, and this the chair was slammed down on my finger. My main typing finger, I guess you could say, my right hand, and uh one that was very essential to me typing this book, and the whole top of it of my finger was basically gone. The the chair slammed down, and the finger was gone, the very tip of it. But it was a huge, I mean, they didn't know what they were gonna do with it. But fortunately, the bone did not get touched. Um, I think it did more than they thought that it did after X-rays and everything. But with that said, I learned how to type an entire book without that finger. It was very interesting, but that's what I'm talking about. I mean, there were so many things that happened along the way. I would plan a day where this is my writing day, and everything would stay in my way from writing this book. That's when I knew that I was supposed to write this book. We had many parenting concerns, we had medical appointments, we had school meetings, we had one crisis after another, the kind of things that make you think, well, maybe this just isn't the season, maybe I need to wait a little while. But what I learned, and after even talking more with Adassa in that episode, is if we wait for the perfect season to do what God has called us to do, it's never gonna happen. And sometimes purpose is built in the middle of chaos, not after it.

Adoption And The Hard Worth Fighting

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I adopted all five of my kids. People love the beautiful parts of adoption stories, they love the family pictures, the happy endings, the redemption stories. But adoption's hard, really hard. And I was adopted as well. And in my in my book, I talk about the hard seasons. There have been moments that I question myself and my mission, and moments that I wanted someone else to carry the weight and help carry the weight with me. Yet if I had quit during the difficult moments, and we had many, we had so many things stand in our way, and every single roadblock that came up during the adoption process, we figured out a tunnel through it. There were honestly, and I can honestly tell you that I think many people would have quit. It was hard. But when we were standing up in front of that judge, I knew that it was meant to be. If I would have quit during any of those hard moments, I would have missed some of the greatest gifts God ever placed in my life. The hard wasn't evidence that I was failing, the hard was evidence that I was doing something that was worth fighting for. Let me say that again. The hard was evidence that I was doing something worth fighting for. And as long as it lines up with our mission, we say yes. And today the show reaches millions through radio, television, podcast platforms, and social media, but none of that would have happened if we would have quit before we got here. The breakthrough always lives on the other side of persistence, doesn't it? I mean, it's just so worth the work.

Preparing For A 20 Year Dream

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If I could go back to Adassa's story for a moment, she really did talk about her dream about Disney for over 20 years. That's a long time to have a dream. I mean, think about that. Most people would have given up after a couple years with a dream. Maybe five years is like the max or 10 years, but she just kept preparing through all of it. Even when there were times that there was no sign that she was going to make it on Disney. Uh, she just kept preparing. Isn't that what we should do? Is just continue to prepare. And so when the opportunity does arrive, we are ready. She kept showing up, she kept becoming the person who would be ready when the opportunity did arrive. And when it finally did, she didn't even have to hesitate because she was already ready. We have to live as if it's going to happen, and we have to live as if we're believing it. If you want to call that manifesting, then you can call it manifesting. But we have to live as if it's going to happen. We have to believe as if we're already that person. She stayed faithful during the waiting. How many dreams are abandoned one step before the breakthrough? How many callings are buried because the journey took longer than expected?

When The Detour Is The Path

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I want to be honest. I'm recording this while living through a really difficult time. And I don't have all the answers. And there are moments that I wish that I could fast forward forward through this chapter just so I could understand. But God doesn't ask us to fast forward, He asks us to trust Him in the heart. And maybe that's where some of you are today. You don't need another five-year plan, you know, you just need enough faith for the next chapter. One of the things that I did end up naming the podcast with Adassa, I actually titled it, What if the detour is the path? And I keep thinking about that phrase. What if the detour is the path? What if the thing that you're fighting against is actually preparing you? What if the struggle is teaching you something that success never could? I'll tell you, a lot of the things in my life that I have struggled in the most are the actual places that I have done the most learning and I have received the most blessings. Looking back, some of the most painful chapters of my life produced the greatest growth. And not because I enjoyed them, I'm not gonna lie, that doesn't mean that you're gonna enjoy it. Not because I wanted them either, but because God refused to waste them. Don't quit before you get to the other side, even if it takes 20 years. If you're listening today and you're tired, I understand. If you're discouraged, boy, do I understand. If you're wondering whether it's worth it, I understand that. But don't make a permanent decision based on any temporary season. Don't let the heart convince you that God has forgotten you. One of the things in Adassa's book is that she almost did give up. And she was very, very young in life, and she had a horrible thing happen to her, and she almost did give up on life. And she realized look what she would have missed. And that's the thing, every single day when we wake up to go into it just ready for whatever lies ahead. Because look what we could miss out on all the amazing blessings.

Advocating For Kids With Disabilities

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I have three kids with pretty significant disabilities. And I'll tell you what, it's hard. It's hard, it's draining, it's exhausting because they're all very different and they all have very many, very different needs. And to attend to all of them and try to figure out what is best for each of them takes a lot of effort because you really have to know them. You just can't exist alongside them. You really have to know them inside and out and fight and advocate for everything that they need along the way because things are just not given and not give up. I think that that's one of the biggest things. And when anything from educators to the systems, any kind of system, any kind that you're working with with your child, you can't take no for an answer. You have a seat at the table for each of your children, and you do have a say. And I think that most parents don't understand that, that you do have a say and not to give up and believe in your child and make sure that they know that you do believe in them. Don't let the struggle define the story, don't let the waiting for everything rob you of the promise. Keep writing, keep praying, keep serving, keep showing up, keep taking that next step, no matter if it is only one step that you can take. Because the thing that you're asking God to do may already be in motion. So all you do, all you have to do is show up. You just can't see what's five steps ahead. So you do have to just keep showing up. One of the greatest tragedies in life is not failure, it's quitting before we discover what was on the other side of that hard work, of that showing up, of that persistence, of that perseverance. If Adassa had quit, honestly, there would be no Dolores. Well, she wouldn't have been Dolores, let's put it that way. And she had to be Dolores to make it Dolores. If I had quit, there would be no memoir coming out, Loving Differently. There would be no podcast, not this one, there would be no stories shared and no lives impacted through this podcast or through with my kids. And if I wouldn't have, if I wouldn't have kept showing up for them, we wouldn't be where we are with them.

My No Quit Story And What I Learned

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And I have a no-quit attitude, and I don't know where I got it from. I was that baby who was told, you know, that that had a lot against her. I was abused as a young, young baby and was adopted, and it wasn't that easy of a home. And I loved my dad, and as I've grown to understand my adopted mom more, I can't say that I love her, but I think that I understand her more. And I was told that I would not graduate high school, but I got a master's degree, and it wasn't that I it was easy, it wasn't easy, and and the doctors were right, they were 100% right. I didn't have the executive functioning piece to my brain, I still struggle. I didn't have the understanding and the comprehension and the retention for any kind of reading, and I'm sure that I'm dyslexic, but I have been diagnosed with autism, and I do know that I have fetal alcohol syndrome, and there were many things that affected my brain. Um, I do know that there was a beating with my, you know, it affected me in the womb where I was maybe possibly even hurt within the womb. Um, you know, trauma can deeply affect a baby, even before it's born. So there were many obstacles as I even came into this world. I don't want to go into all of it because I want you to get loving differently when it does come out, because the book isn't about the struggle, it's about how I got here. I also talk about my dad passing away when I was uh 11. And when I hear the word 11, that really is the only thing that I ever think of. Even when I hear somebody else's 11, that's the first thing that I think of. Um, my dad was very special to me, and he was taken from me very young. Um, and that again was another struggle. I had many, many struggles after that, but I never gave up. The point is that I never quit. I really do honestly believe that I was born that way. I have met other kids, other adults who had struggles as young kids, and their ability to fight through things is like none other. And I do believe that those tools were given to us very young.

Other Fighters And The Point Of This

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There's a friend of mine, his name is RJ Formanac. He's been on the podcast a few times. He also has fetal alcohol syndrome, and he runs Red Shoes Rock and Flying with Broken Wings for people with FASD. And he is one of their biggest advocates. He too went through so many struggles as a young man, all the way up, and he is one of the biggest fighters that I know. There's a man named Don Bartlett who was also on the podcast, and he was a Native American man who went through probably one of the most abuse stories that I have ever heard in my entire life. And he is a worldwide speaker. That's what this podcast has been about. It's been about one heroic story after another, one person after another that has gotten through no matter what. I want to leave you with this. The heart is real, the struggle is real, the waiting, the pauses. And you know, Adassa talked about that in her book. Sometimes the times in our life that we learn the most about is in the pause, and we have to be okay with not moving forward all the time and realize that that's part of the journey. This is all part of the calling. Don't let the heart stop what God has started in you. You have a purpose, and sometimes we just have to wait for the right time, and God's timing is always the right time, not ours, but his. So just keep going, keep showing up, keep working through. Your breakthrough may be closer than you think. I believe in you, and I do believe in you because I believe in myself. There were times like when I had to go through alcohol treatment, and I had to go through some really rough times in my life where I know people would look at me and b think she's a very troubled person, and they would never believe that I turned out to be the person that I am, and have raised five kids and am doing amazingly well, and I love to pass that on to you guys. But what I want you to know, like I say at the end of every single episode, and I say this intentionally, at the end of every single episode, is that there is purpose in the pain and there is hope in the journey, and that is why I believe in this so much.

Just Because You Don’t Know

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You know, when I even go out and about to speak. Or just show up at an event. It's hard for me because I need my external brains. I go to a place and I honestly I don't know what to do. I have to watch people, I have to look around, I have to follow the leader, and I'm not the leader. Um I really don't understand what I'm supposed to do a lot of times, and that's okay. Just because you don't doesn't mean you can't. And that's one of the another really big lesson that I want you to get out of this. Just because you don't know what to do doesn't mean you can't. And you have to figure it out, and you will figure it out. Um, wherever I go, I look at everybody around me, I figure out what is expected of me, I look to the adults that I know can help me, trusted people that I know that can help me. And I show up and figure it out, and I know that you can too. Don't let anybody tell you that you can't. When they said that I couldn't graduate high school, um, they wouldn't be able to go the traditional route. I again did. I really did. And when I've told this story before, but I read into a tape recorder and then I listened back, and then I wrote down my own notes, and then I would study those and remember them, retain them long enough to take a test, only for them to be gone as soon as the test was over. Um, I'm much better now when I do a podcast. I actually have to read, I read the books of the people that I interview. I don't go into these interviews thinking, you know, I'm just gonna show up. I want to know them, I want to know their heart, I want to know what they stand for, I I want to know and understand everything about their book and the story that they want to tell. If they're gonna come on my podcast, I'm going to show up for them. And the reason why I think that I have relationships with a lot of the people that have been on the podcast after is because I really genuinely do care about their story. And and I'm very grateful for every single person that ever wants to be on. I'm very grateful for this platform. I'm very grateful that people listen. So as usual, remember that there is always purpose in the pain, and there is hope in the journey. And as I always say, we will see you next time.