The most dangerous myth about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is that you can “tell” by looking at someone. We sit down with RJ Formanek, founder of Flying With Broken Wings and co-creator of Red Shoes Rock, to talk about what FASD actually looks like across a lifetime and why so many adults live for decades without a diagnosis, support, or even the right words for what’s happening in their brains.
We get personal about the stuff that rarely makes it into the headlines: foster care churn, being labeled “non-compliant” for asking why, and the quiet shame that can show up at night when you’re trying to fall asleep. RJ explains the “manual transmission” feeling of daily life with neurodivergence, where executive function, working memory, and cause-and-effect can turn ordinary tasks into constant gear shifting. We also talk about school “behavior” as a symptom, why consequences delivered later don’t work for many kids with FASD, and how supports like routine, in-the-moment coaching, and IEPs that limit homework can reduce burnout.
We also go where it gets complicated: anger at a birth parent, grief and acceptance, the role alcohol plays, and how caregivers can support without turning a child into a problem to manage. RJ shares how Flying With Broken Wings creates a safe space that centers person-first care and real lived experience, helping both individuals with FASD and the people who love them. If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review. What’s one belief about FASD you want the world to unlearn?
