March 25, 2026

Returning to the Place that Made you: Identity and finding Lost Memories with Mario Cartaya

Send us Fan Mail This week’s episode is one everyone needs to hear—a story of miracles, identity, and the kind of closure most people never expect to find. In his book Journey Back into the Vault: In Search of My Faded Cuban Childhood Footprints, Mario Cartaya shares a life that began in Havana and was forever changed when he fled Cuba at just eight years old. He went on to build an extraordinary life in the United States as a celebrated architect, shaping communities across South Florida and...

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Send us Fan Mail

This week’s episode is one everyone needs to hear—a story of miracles, identity, and the kind of closure most people never expect to find.

In his book Journey Back into the Vault: In Search of My Faded Cuban Childhood Footprints, Mario Cartaya shares a life that began in Havana and was forever changed when he fled Cuba at just eight years old. He went on to build an extraordinary life in the United States as a celebrated architect, shaping communities across South Florida and earning national recognition, including a flag flown over the U.S. Capitol in his honor. He even worked alongside leaders like John Kerry, helping bridge conversations between countries.

But decades later, something still called him back.

After 56 years, Mario returned to Cuba—and what happened next is almost impossible to believe. In a moment that feels nothing short of miraculous, Fidel Castro’s son personally led him to his family’s long-lost graves. There, Mario stood, prayed, and began reconnecting with the pieces of himself he thought were gone. Along the way, he unexpectedly met a 90-year-old relative simply by driving down the street, as if the past had been waiting for him all along.

This isn’t just a story about going back to a place.
 It’s about meeting your younger self again.
 About rediscovering memories.
 About finding identity, belonging, and a sense of peace that no amount of success could replace.

And this is only Part 1.

Go to Mario Cartaya's website at Mario Cartaya – Journey Back Into The Vault

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@Real Talk with Tina and Ann

Chapters

00:00 - Welcome And The Memory Vault

02:53 - Childhood In Havana Before Exile

04:22 - Che Guevara And A Forced Exit

07:54 - When Early Memories Go Dark

10:41 - Grief Without Goodbyes

12:49 - Achievement As A Love Letter

14:05 - Miami Culture Shock And Halloween

18:01 - Parents’ Strength And Music At Home

21:57 - The Moment He Chooses Return

25:37 - Landing In Cuba And First Flashbacks

29:19 - A House Preserved For 56 Years

35:53 - Finding Family In A Fading Town

39:43 - The Balcony And Meeting His Child

49:25 - Cemetery Closure And A Shock Call

58:08 - Part One Ends Part Two Tease

Transcript
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Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.

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I am Anne.

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Today's conversation is about something deeply human: memory, identity, and what happens when parts of our past become locked away inside of us.

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My guest today is Mario Cartaya, author of the memoir Journey Back into the Vault in Search of My Faved Cuban childhood footprints.

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Journey Back into the Vault is a deeply personal memoir about a Cuban-born American who returns to his homeland after more than half a century in search of the childhood memories he lost when his family fled the country during political upheaval.

00:00:51.600 --> 00:01:02.240
Mario was born in Havana in 1951 and spent part of his childhood in Cuba before his family was forced to leave and start a new life in the United States.

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That sudden separation from his homeland and extended family left a lasting emotional impact.

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And over time, many of his earliest memories faded from consciousness almost as if they had been locked away inside a psychological vault.

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Imagine leaving everything that you knew before you were even old enough to understand what was happening.

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Your home, your language, your culture, your memories.

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Mario spent decades building a life in America, but something fascinating happened along the way.

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The memories of his earliest childhood years became buried somewhere deep inside his mind.

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Then more than half a century later, he returned to Cuba 56 years later, not as a tourist, but as a man searching for something hidden inside himself.

00:01:56.719 --> 00:02:00.159
His journey back became more than a physical trip.

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It became a search for identity, belonging, and the pieces of his childhood that had been buried by time and circumstance.

00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:13.840
Mario began to recover the memories and feelings that had been hidden for decades.

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It's a story about exile and ultimately finding peace with the child you once were.

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Mario, thank you so much for being here today.

00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:28.319
And thank you so much for having me here and for this wonderful interview.

00:02:28.560 --> 00:02:40.960
You know, I want to start at the beginning because you were born in Havana in 1951 and you spent the first years of your life there when all the political upheaval was going on and your family was forced to leave.

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For listeners who may not know that history, and I mean, actually, your father's life was being threatened.

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Can you paint a picture for us of what exactly was going on?

00:02:52.960 --> 00:03:07.680
Well, I I grew up in a middle class family, and in my home, everyone had a college education, and both sides uh would favor a different part of uh their education, right?

00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:15.439
I being my Mateo side, they were all very artistic, uh musical, art drawing, that kind of a thing.

00:03:15.680 --> 00:03:17.039
And I grew up with them.

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I grew up with them playing their instruments.

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My mother was a classical pianist, so she would always play the piano and and as they played, we talked.

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Uh, the other half of my family, my Cartaya side, um, my paternal side was was more accountants and money and this type of thing.

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Um, so I I grew up in a nice combination of right side and left brain, um, where I it was wonderful for my education.

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Everything was wonderful.

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We lived in a big home uh where uh I lived with my grandparents and my uncles.

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It's an old Spanish uh way of living where the family, the extended family, lives together and you're with them your whole life, right?

00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:10.639
You become uh a child to many adults, uh their own child, right?

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So it's a wonderful way of learning, a wonderful way of uh of loving, a wonderful way of uh knowing that you belong to something greater than yourself.

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Everything changed.

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Um when Castro came to power uh a year later, uh he made the announcement that they were going to confiscate all American properties on the island.

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My father, who was an accountant, his clients were all American.

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Uh Frigid Air Corporation, the Sylvania uh group, Emerson, they were all his clients.

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So sooner rather than later, three uh machine gun toting rebels entered office demanding his um ledgers with all the information on his client, his American client's properties in the island.

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Oh my.

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My father, uh, out of loyalty refused.

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So he was detained.

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In his detention, he refused a second time, and they took him to go see the infamous Che Guevara, uh, the uh Argentinian Kerrilla warfighter that was trying to bring communism to South America, who lived in Cuba during those first years of Castro's uh revolution.

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Uh and my father denied Guevara.

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Well, you didn't do that back then.

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So Guevara, furious with my my father, drew his gun and said, Ignacio, that was my father's name.

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I know that you have two kids.

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Uh don't make me use this.

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And he showed him the gun and I said, Give me what I want.

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So, with that, thankfully, he also had a friend, uh a lieutenant, they were friends since kindergarten.

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They grew up together.

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He stood between my father and Guevara and said, Shay, hang on, I know Ignacio, little bullheaded, but give me until noon, and I promise I can get you uh his ledger.

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So he did.

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He went with my dad, my dad gave the ledgers, and when they brought it back to Guevara, Guevara's last words to my father was, uh, you're you're now uh labeled um anti-revolutionary.

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If I were you, I would leave the island as quickly as you can, because I can't guarantee your future safety.

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And so we thought that he was dead.

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He was gone for about three days, and back then, if you disappeared, yeah, three days, you were usually dead.

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This is 1960.

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So he finally calls and says, I'm coming home.

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The whole family got together, and then I watched him from the second floor balcony of my home as he asked my extended family for permission to leave Cuba with my mother, my brother, and me.

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I imagine an eight-year-old boy happy that his father is home, now having heard that they were gonna kill him.

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And that's why he gave him the ledgers, and that's why we had to leave.

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Um and so that day my my life changed.

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I knew that my time in Cuba was coming to an end, and I knew that I would have to then travel to the U.S., which was exciting too.

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I mean, the U.S.

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was the home of Mighty Mouse and Major League Baseball and hot dogs and all this wonderful thing, cowboys and Indians.

00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:50.800
So it wasn't that bad leaving, except once you leave and you never see your extended family again, the grandparents, the uncles that I grew up with, they all died and we never saw them again.

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Yeah.

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Then it becomes a trauma.

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Oh my goodness.

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How horrific.

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I mean, in one second you're here, and in the next second, you're here.

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I mean, and and then what was so unique about your story is that you much of your life, those early years, were completely hidden from you.

00:08:07.759 --> 00:08:11.040
I mean, you couldn't remember anything before your 10th birthday.

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Before this journey back to Cuba, how did you piece your life together?

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Were those early years something that you understood through stories your family told you?

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Photographs, fragments, or was it mostly like just a blank space?

00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:31.279
It's kind of an interesting mix of everything, right?

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My parents grew up uh telling us stories, and you know, we we had a wonderful family of conversation.

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We love to talk to each other and express each other's and communicate that way, right?

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Okay, yeah.

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And so I knew some stories, and then we had some pictures that we took with us when we left.

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So I knew some still black and white pictures.

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So at night sometimes I would see those pictures, but I didn't know the context.

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And I would wake up in the middle of the night, you know, kind of like um flustered because I knew that I saw that picture for a reason in my in my dreams, but I didn't know why.

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It's funny.

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Even during sleeping, uh my subconscious was controlling my mind.

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So uh finally, after um a a wonderful uh award that I received where they flew a flag uh in the US Congress in my honor, or over the Capitol, over over the US Capitol and my honor, I couldn't remember how I got from there to that point.

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And that's when I decided it's time for me to go back and try to remember.

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Try to know who trying to know not just who I became, that I knew.

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I knew I'd come here and I've become a a renowned architect.

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What I didn't know was what was the whole story?

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Why why act the way I do?

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Why do I feel the way I do?

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All those things that that shape the way you are when you're young.

00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:11.279
Yeah.

00:10:13.440 --> 00:10:16.799
Yeah, that is such an important piece.

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I mean, everybody needs that in order to figure out who you are.

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I I mean, I it I think that you do.

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You left Cuba.

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Was the part of your life from going from Cuba and landing in the United States?

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I mean, you painted it as this wonderful place coming to the United States.

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But was that blank too when you got here?

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Or when did your memories actually begin?

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I had very few memories.

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Um, but I think that they did not disappear as I was flying uh to come here.

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I think they disappeared slowly as some of these memories tormented me.

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You know, back then, uh in 1960, there was no communication with Cuba.

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And in the years that followed, with the Bay of Pigs and the Cuba Missile Crisis and everything else that happened, there was no telephone uh uh combinations that you could somehow get in touch with your family there.

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There was no letters.

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The letters that we would receive were many times redacted, many times cut out with scissors, you know, places.

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So it was very minimal information, if any, that we were getting about the family we left behind, except through telegraphs.

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And the telegraphs were limited to eight letters.

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So we will get things like your grandfather died.

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That's it.

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And you don't know how or when or whatever.

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So it was very, very difficult to see your family go one after another after another after another.

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And by 1968, eight years after I got here, all of my grand my grandparents and even my uncle were over.

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And I think during that process of grieving and and the frustrations of not being able to get in touch with them, the impotence, the impotence of not being able to do anything about it.

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Not even to call them and tell them you love them, I think that that little that little descent is what finally turned off the uh subconscious to allow me to concentrate and then become, you know, the best that I possibly could be, the best version of myself.

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Yeah.

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I mean, the mind is kind, really.

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I mean, it it can protect us from our own pain.

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And it sounds like that's what it was doing.

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Can I ask you how this has shaped you into the person that you became?

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That's a great question, right?

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Um, I became a well-known architect.

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And why that happened, I think that in my subconscious as well, not almost, but in the subconscious that I grew up with, not having my grandparents with me, not having my uncles with me, uh made me want to prove to them that everything that they used to tell me when I was growing up was true.

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And I think that without knowing it, uh, I pushed myself for them.

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Okay.

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And I never accepted mediocracy, I never accepted anything that wasn't just, you know, the very best.

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Uh I guess to to make it right, to make them know, wherever they were, that yeah, all the effects that they had on me uh made me into this person that I am.

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That was, I think, the big incentives uh that I had without even knowing uh what I was doing.

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Uh going back, however, is what really, really made a big difference on me.

00:14:04.799 --> 00:14:18.159
And we're we're absolutely going to get to that part of this story, but I want to ask you, you know, as a young immigrant arriving in Florida, did you ever feel like you were stuck between two worlds?

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Like, did you ever feel a part of either one, or were you like stuck in the middle?

00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:26.639
I felt that way my whole life.

00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:27.519
Really?

00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:30.399
Except after coming back.

00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:31.039
Okay.

00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:40.399
Because there was a part of me that couldn't remember, and that part had a play in me, but not a conscious play.

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So there was always that.

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I was the kid that um I was friends with everybody.

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So I had American friends, okay.

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I played football, I, you know, I was a good student, I played baseball, you know.

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Uh I was that guy.

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I'm always wanting to prove that I belonged, always wanting to prove that I was worthy of having this uh accolades that I grew up getting from the teachers, from my friends, and and that kind of a thing.

00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:16.960
Um I will tell you a really funny story, right?

00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:17.600
Okay.

00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:31.200
I I knew about American culture a little because my some of my father's clients, when they would travel to Cuba to have meetings with my dad, they would always come home.

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Uh, and my mother and this other lady that helped us would always cook them a good Cuban meal.

00:15:37.919 --> 00:15:45.200
And they always wanted to get their business over with so they could come over and enjoy a good meal with us, with a family, right?

00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:51.519
And uh to me, the Americans that came over being little uh were not Americans.

00:15:51.600 --> 00:15:53.360
They were Cubans that spoke English.

00:15:53.679 --> 00:15:56.799
It was it was that kind of a view from a child.

00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:58.320
I saw no difference.

00:15:58.559 --> 00:16:09.840
The school that I went to, the Edison Institute, um, was a prep school, and they taught a little English, just enough to get by, you know, which helped me when I first came here.

00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:20.639
At least I knew some basic words uh that would either get me out of trouble or get me in trouble, you know, depending on the context that I used to.

00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:21.519
Right.

00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:24.639
I learned uh I learned that very, very soon.

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Um but one one fun one funny story, right?

00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:32.399
So we leave Cuba, the plane lands here.

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It's still like 10 o'clock in the morning by the time the plane lands, and that afternoon I figured I'm gonna go for a walk.

00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:43.679
I'm in America, I'm in Miami, I'm gonna go for a walk and see what America looks like.

00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:45.440
Really, I'm hoping it's gonna snow.

00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:46.399
It was November.

00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:48.799
I'm hoping it's gonna snow, there was no snow.

00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:50.720
But I went for a walk.

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And I began seeing that in front of everybody's homes, there are ghosts and there are monsters and there's people with knives in their heads, that kind of thing.

00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:03.919
And I got scared.

00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:10.240
To my dad, and I said, Um, do they practice voodoo in the United States?

00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:13.680
And he's like, No, no, they don't do voodoo.

00:17:13.759 --> 00:17:14.640
Uh why?

00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:15.839
And I told him why.

00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:20.000
And he goes, Oh, Mario, it was uh Halloween two weeks ago.

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And these are people that haven't picked up the stuff they had in their front yards.

00:17:24.400 --> 00:17:28.559
And they displayed ghosts and monsters and devils and this.

00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:33.440
Yeah, yeah, but it's it's all in fun because they'll get they'll give you candy.

00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:35.119
Can we go out tonight?

00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:36.400
Oh no, no, no, no.

00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:37.519
Thanksgiving is all.

00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:44.240
So that was my first my first understanding of the American people was that.

00:17:44.720 --> 00:17:48.880
Oh my gosh, that's oh, that's hilarious.

00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:49.839
Yeah, I know.

00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:50.880
I know it was funny.

00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:52.240
Funny story.

00:17:53.200 --> 00:17:54.880
Yeah, that is really interesting.

00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:57.359
I mean, you guys didn't celebrate Halloween over there.

00:17:57.599 --> 00:17:58.720
No, no idea.

00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:00.640
Oh my gosh.

00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:10.000
I I I wanted to ask you about your parents because you know, when you look back now as an adult, did you have conversations with your parents?

00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:13.279
Did they carry all of this quietly?

00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:18.000
Do you know what the moment was like for them having to leave?

00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:19.599
Oh, very, very difficult.

00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:29.839
And uh when my grandfather was dying, um, my dad asked me never to cry in front of my mother because she was distraught, right?

00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:43.200
Imagine losing your parents, never seeing them again, you know, your uncles, the aunts, everybody that we left behind little by little, every year somebody would die, and it was just like a constant drip of death.

00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:51.359
So I I know that it was tough for her, but what my mom did uh to kind of help herself was play the piano.

00:18:51.599 --> 00:19:08.079
You know it even here, we were able to buy a used piano that she could play in, and it helped everyone because she would play her music, and um, they would bring the friends that they were making in the U.S.

00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:10.240
They couldn't afford to go out anywhere.

00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:11.920
You know, we were trying to start again.

00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:18.000
So they would invite him to the house, and my mother would play and they would all sing or dance or whatever.

00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:22.240
And it was a very healthy way to grow like that.

00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:26.319
You know, yes, there are troubles, but it's okay.

00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:28.319
You know, we will get by.

00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:40.880
And and this one time, uh, my mom looked at me and I was kind of sad, and and she said, uh, Mayito, that means Little Mario, uh, don't feel that way.

00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:44.880
As long as we're together, everything is gonna be okay.

00:19:45.680 --> 00:19:48.160
Those are words that have come back to me thousands of times.

00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:49.440
And I love it.

00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:53.920
No matter what, as long as we're together, it's gonna be okay.

00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:58.799
We're here for each other, we're here to help each other, and that's exactly the way that it was.

00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:06.559
It was beautiful, uh difficult, yes, painful, yes, but also beautiful.

00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:09.519
It is very beautiful.

00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:13.519
That what I I want to say that to my kids now.

00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:20.240
You know, I mean that's just it just uh brings a connection that can't be divided.

00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:22.480
It it can't be, no matter what.

00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:29.440
What did it do for you to realize what your parents sacrificed?

00:20:31.279 --> 00:20:40.000
Well, I I I I've been speaking a lot for years, you know, with my architecture and all these award ceremonies.

00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:52.559
Uh, they always ask me to speak, and I always tell them that um I dedicated my life to them to show them that their effort of coming here was worth it.

00:20:53.279 --> 00:21:06.160
It's not about me so much as it is having to prove that everything that happened uh led to these accomplishments and this great life that I have lived.

00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:12.640
That's uh probably the the biggest impact uh that anything has ever had in my life.

00:21:13.119 --> 00:21:28.079
I I know why I'm here, I know the challenges they faced, I know the hardships and pain that they felt that they felt, but yet they always made it seem like tomorrow was gonna be better than today.

00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:30.799
They always lived with an optimism.

00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:34.559
But hey, as long as we're together, it'll be fine.

00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:37.759
And it was, it was for all of us.

00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:42.000
I love this because it really is all about perspective, isn't it?

00:21:42.720 --> 00:21:43.920
It really is.

00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:54.000
I mean, we all we go through such hard times, but it is it sounds like your parents were so strong, and then they passed that down to you.

00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:55.200
What a gift!

00:21:55.519 --> 00:21:56.160
Yes.

00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:59.759
The title of your book, Journey Back into the Vault.

00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:02.880
Is such a powerful metaphor.

00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:06.480
I mean, it suggests the memories weren't gone.

00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:09.519
You know, I mean, they were just simply locked away.

00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:17.759
And when you decided to return to Cuba after 56 years, what made you feel ready to open that vault?

00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:25.759
I was part of the committee that assisted President Obama in his reproachment return to Cuba.

00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:26.319
Okay.

00:22:26.640 --> 00:22:31.440
I met with uh the person that was in charge of that committee was John Kerry.

00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:35.680
And John Kerry and I kind of struck up a nice friendship.

00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:45.440
And we had a lot of conversations about him going back to Vietnam after the Vietnam War and making peace with Vietnam's generals.

00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:46.240
Wow.

00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:51.920
And that kind of enlightened me a little bit.

00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:54.960
That really peace lies within yourself.

00:22:56.480 --> 00:22:58.240
You just need to go get it.

00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:11.440
You need to be confident enough that yes, I can I can bring peace to me if only I can figure out how to do it or put myself in a position to be able to do it.

00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:17.599
So when when the group went back to Cuba with the president, I didn't go.

00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:25.519
Because I did not feel like I wanted to, like I was ready to do something like that.

00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:31.839
But I did watch the president's uh address to the Cuban people uh in Havana.

00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:37.920
And he started with this wonderful poem that was written by José Martí.

00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:43.839
Jose Martí is uh a Cuban patriot during the Spanish-American War.

00:23:44.079 --> 00:23:55.599
Uh and he had this um book that he wrote, in which he wrote, I cultivate a white rose for my friend.

00:23:56.319 --> 00:23:59.440
I also cultivate a white rose for my enemy.

00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:01.119
In peace.

00:24:01.359 --> 00:24:03.599
And that's how he started his speech.

00:24:05.519 --> 00:24:12.319
And all that I could do was think of John Kerry, think of myself, think of my grandparents, think of everything.

00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:20.480
And that moment, I turned to my son who was watching it with me, and I said, buddy, I gotta go back.

00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:23.599
And he says, he said, I knew you would.

00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:34.720
That was the uh enlightenment, that was the moment that the candle lit up and said, You're going back.

00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:40.400
You need this, you need to know who you are, you need to piece your life together somehow.

00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.960
You need to piece your life together.

00:24:43.599 --> 00:24:44.559
And I did.

00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:47.599
Oh my gosh, that is so beautiful.

00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:50.480
Well, how old was your son, by the way?

00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:56.240
At that time, uh, he was about 22, 23 years old.

00:24:56.480 --> 00:24:57.839
Okay, all right.

00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:00.079
Has he ever been?

00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:03.279
I took him with me the following year.

00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:05.759
Okay, interesting.

00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:10.400
Um, I do want to talk about you returning back to Cuba.

00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:18.960
And after more, you know, the fit more than a century later, 56 years from the place where your life began.

00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:35.759
And when your plane landed in Cuba, like if you can place yourself there in that moment, what was that like, that feeling that came over you when you actually landed and you were on Cuban land?

00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:44.160
Well, um, there was a little process that happened uh of accepting where I am, right?

00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:51.680
At first, I'm landing and certain feels, feelings of guilt um found me, you know.

00:25:51.839 --> 00:26:01.039
But then at the same time, uh something inside me said, fine, you know, uh I know where this is coming from.

00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:05.839
But I'm just gonna go through it because I want to.

00:26:06.640 --> 00:26:08.160
You're not gonna conquer me.

00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:10.559
I am gonna go through this.

00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:16.640
And then as I began to come into the terminal, I realized this is the same terminal.

00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:19.680
This is the same space from which I left.

00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:21.839
That was the first memory that came back.

00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:22.400
Okay.

00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:35.759
This is the same place from which I left in much turmoil, in much pain, uh, confusion, people screaming, you know, uh, people crying.

00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:44.000
You know, it it wasn't a fun place to be, as all of us Cubans were leaving on that airplane uh on that plane, right?

00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:45.839
Uh, but I'm back.

00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:52.640
But then again, right after that, first thought hit me, then the next thought here hit me.

00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:56.480
And again, that was the first time that I see what's happening.

00:26:57.039 --> 00:27:02.079
Because the next thought was, ah, but I am not leaving today.

00:27:05.359 --> 00:27:14.559
A son of this country is returning, and this is my portal to happen.

00:27:17.119 --> 00:27:27.920
Funny how when when the uh memories begin to return, you understand why they're returning.

00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:33.359
I thought about the past, stopped on the dying.

00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:36.559
Now I think, okay, I'm back.

00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:42.720
I gotta get through this in order to find what I'm looking for.

00:27:43.359 --> 00:27:46.880
This is the portal that I have to get through.

00:27:47.200 --> 00:27:49.839
And it was a beautiful realization.

00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:56.079
Of course, just minutes later, I see this old man that I saw in Miami with the huge teddy bear, right?

00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:07.759
And I realize some lucky girl or boy in Havana is gonna be getting this big old, you know, stuffed bear from this old man.

00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:17.359
And just as I walked outside, there's the old man, here comes a little girl, maybe nine, the age that I left, right, running towards him.

00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:25.039
And immediately she goes, Abuelo, which means grandfather, and jumped up into his arms and hugged him.

00:28:25.279 --> 00:28:30.880
The old man began to cry, and then he said, Honey, this bear needs a friend.

00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:35.839
And it was good.

00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:39.519
Love exists in the island.

00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:42.000
Let's go find it.

00:28:43.279 --> 00:28:51.519
And little by little, it was a welcoming that got me ready to do everything that I did.

00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:57.839
Of course, things that happened, I would have never thought that they would ever occur.

00:28:58.160 --> 00:29:01.119
There were surprises in every corner.

00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:13.119
Well, you you went back to your home, your school, the streets where you once played, and family grave sites.

00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:15.599
I mean, what was it like?

00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:18.720
What were some of those surprises that happened?

00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:20.240
Well, imagine this.

00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:23.519
I just got back, I just saw the old man with the the girl.

00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:31.680
So from there we make it to the hotel, laid our bags down, and our driver that my friends and I, I went with two friends, right?

00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:36.799
The driver that my friends and I had hired is already there at the hotel to take us.

00:29:37.039 --> 00:29:43.279
First place we go to is the last house that I lived in Cuba, the house from where we left.

00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:51.680
And I had heard years before from someone that there was a man called Hector that lived in that house.

00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:54.720
We parked the car, we get out of the car, we walk.

00:29:54.880 --> 00:30:03.200
There's this man talked in with two people on the other side of the uh changling fence that protects the property.

00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:08.240
As soon as they saw me with my two friends, the two guys that were there left.

00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:10.000
The old man didn't.

00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:12.000
He stayed there and looked at me.

00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:16.880
So I walked up to him and I said, Excuse me, are you Hector?

00:30:17.039 --> 00:30:18.559
And he goes, Yes, I am.

00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:19.680
And you are.

00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:22.720
And I said, Mario Cartaya Mateo.

00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:25.440
Cartaya is my paternal surname.

00:30:25.599 --> 00:30:28.000
Mateo is my maternal surname.

00:30:28.240 --> 00:30:35.920
So I'm introducing me as you would in Cuba, where you use your paternal and maternal names so they know what families you belong to.

00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:41.759
I'm off the plane, I'm maybe an hour and a half off the plane.

00:30:42.240 --> 00:30:43.920
And he looks at me.

00:30:44.319 --> 00:30:51.200
He turns pale and he goes, Mario Cartaya Mateo, I've been waiting for you a long time.

00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:54.720
That's my first welcome.

00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:56.079
Oh wow.

00:30:56.319 --> 00:31:00.640
And I looked at him, and I figured I'm not ready to ask him why.

00:31:01.599 --> 00:31:03.359
Let me get past the shock.

00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:11.839
So I showed him some pictures I had of my family and I and the house, and he's naming them.

00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:12.960
Oh my god.

00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:16.160
Then he says, Your uncle was my best friend.

00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:20.960
And then with that, I felt more comfortable.

00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:22.160
He knew my family.

00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:23.039
Right.

00:31:23.279 --> 00:31:29.359
So I asked him, Hector, what did you mean by I've been waiting for you a long time?

00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:31.119
So he goes, You don't know?

00:31:31.359 --> 00:31:32.319
And I said, No.

00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:33.839
He goes, Come with me.

00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:36.720
So he takes me inside the house.

00:31:37.039 --> 00:31:42.640
And I walked in, and immediately a thousand memories came back.

00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:43.440
Oh my god.

00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:51.440
The furniture that we used, the house, the colors, the tile, everything is identical.

00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:53.279
He even said, look at this curio.

00:31:53.920 --> 00:32:08.880
I look in the curio, the dining sets, the utensils, the jello balls, even the beer glass that my uncle used to use uh for his um beer, it's all there.

00:32:10.480 --> 00:32:13.440
And of course, so emotional.

00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:14.480
I'm back.

00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:16.880
This is like it it never changed.

00:32:17.039 --> 00:32:20.240
Like if I had left the day before.

00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:24.240
And so I said, Why is everything the same?

00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:27.200
And he said again, you don't know, do you?

00:32:28.079 --> 00:32:29.680
No, Hector, I really don't know.

00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:32.480
And then he reminded me.

00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:54.480
He says, When we found out that your grandfather was dying, uh my your your uncle, Marcus, uh made it seem like I lived here so that you all wouldn't lose wouldn't lose your home uh to the uh uh confiscation efforts of the government.

00:32:54.799 --> 00:33:03.200
So I lived here all these years under one condition that I would not change anything and give it all back to you when you return.

00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:04.559
So here it is for you.

00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:06.880
If you want it, it's all yours.

00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:09.279
I never knew that.

00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:10.559
I never knew that.

00:33:10.799 --> 00:33:16.240
He was been waiting for me 56 years to return, which of course we never did.

00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:20.319
So I said, Look, I'm I'm only here uh for a week.

00:33:20.480 --> 00:33:22.559
I don't plan to stay.

00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:24.799
I just want you to be my friend.

00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:28.480
And he goes, No, I'm I won't be your friend, I'll be family.

00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:31.039
I said, Okay, then you can be family.

00:33:31.359 --> 00:33:34.319
And we made a friendship that has been beautiful.

00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:37.039
I mean, a 50-year promise.

00:33:37.279 --> 00:33:37.920
Yeah.

00:33:38.559 --> 00:33:41.599
Who makes that kind of promise and then keeps it?

00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:47.039
I mean, that kind of loyalty and humanity is very rare.

00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:48.079
Yeah.

00:33:48.640 --> 00:33:56.319
What did it feel like for you to see that and realize that someone had honored your family's story for all of those years?

00:33:56.640 --> 00:34:00.319
Well, the first thing I learned in the airport was there's love in Cuba.

00:34:00.559 --> 00:34:00.960
Yeah.

00:34:01.200 --> 00:34:10.880
Then I said there is honesty, there is dignity, there is integrity in Cuba.

00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:12.960
This is not what I thought it was.

00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:16.960
The demons are gone.

00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:19.920
There are no demons anymore.

00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:21.679
It's just us.

00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:37.679
What a completely different perspective on how you lived for all those years believing what Cuba was like, and here you are getting a completely, I mean, eye-opening experience.

00:34:38.079 --> 00:34:39.679
That's really amazing.

00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:46.400
And that these people were that loyal to your family, that he was so loyal to your family.

00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:50.159
I mean, you also got to meet a lot of other people in your family.

00:34:50.639 --> 00:34:50.960
Yeah, yeah.

00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:54.159
So, could you talk about what that was like?

00:34:54.320 --> 00:34:56.639
And did they help you fill in the blanks?

00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:58.159
About Hershey?

00:34:58.800 --> 00:34:59.440
Yeah.

00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:06.079
So um, when I went to Cuba, my mother was in her mid-90s and she was frail.

00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:08.639
So, of course, I couldn't take her with me.

00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:21.920
So she goes, Mario, can you maybe if you are going to Hershey, the town of Hershey, that's that's where Milton Hershey grew the sugar for his chocolates, right?

00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:22.559
Yeah.

00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:29.599
And um, my mother, the first seven, eight years of her life she spent in Hershey growing up.

00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:37.440
And then when my father, my grandfather, uh got a job as the director of the Havana train station, uh, they all moved to Havana.

00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:50.559
And that's when she met my dad, and she met my dad at a bulk, a ballroom uh that played American big band music, and they met each other to In the Mood by Glenn Miller.

00:35:51.119 --> 00:35:51.840
Oh my goodness.

00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:53.519
Anyway, so there I am.

00:35:53.599 --> 00:36:03.920
I'm back in her scene, and um there's no sugar, there are no mills, there are no signs on the streets, there's no numbers on the homes.

00:36:04.719 --> 00:36:06.639
It's dilapidated.

00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:10.800
I'm thinking, how am I gonna find her house?

00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:15.199
So I got my two buddies in the back, are going, hey, let's forget it.

00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:17.519
Let's let's go to Baradero Beach.

00:36:17.679 --> 00:36:19.840
I said, guys, guys, guys, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:23.280
I didn't come, I didn't come to Cuba to lose.

00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:25.440
I'm gonna find that house.

00:36:25.519 --> 00:36:27.119
Please support me.

00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:28.639
Okay, okay.

00:36:29.039 --> 00:36:38.719
They didn't say that nice, they used some other words that I I'm not gonna use today, but they want to go to the beach, you know, which is not that far away.

00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:58.239
So I told my driver, um, my Dell, why don't you drive real slow so I can look inside people's homes through their windows and see if I see a woman in her mid-90s who maybe even know my mother, who knows?

00:36:58.400 --> 00:36:59.519
You know, right, right.

00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:18.480
He begins to drive real slow, real slow, real slow, and sure enough, this woman is seated in a wheelchair hunched over in her front porch, a screened front porch, and so I told my driver, stop.

00:37:20.400 --> 00:37:20.960
He did.

00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:30.559
I got out of my car, my friends, like always, came with me, and I approached her door and I said, Um, good morning.

00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:33.039
And she responds, good morning.

00:37:33.920 --> 00:37:35.599
I said, Can you help me?

00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:38.880
And she goes, Sure, sweetie, I can help you.

00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:42.719
So I said, I'm looking for the house where the Mateo family grew.

00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:45.519
Uh, you you you used to you used to be.

00:37:45.760 --> 00:37:51.440
And her answer is, why on earth would you want to know where that old home is?

00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:55.599
I said, because I am Marcos Mateo's grandson.

00:37:56.159 --> 00:38:03.280
And this lady straightened herself up in her wheelchair, looked at me, and tears began to come out of her eyes.

00:38:03.440 --> 00:38:08.400
It's sad to see a 90-something-year-old woman crying in a wheelchair.

00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:10.800
So I said, Why are you crying?

00:38:11.119 --> 00:38:15.599
And she goes, My God, could you be my hito?

00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:17.039
Little Mario.

00:38:18.079 --> 00:38:19.039
Oh my goodness.

00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:20.719
I said, Yes.

00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:22.880
Yes.

00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:28.960
And so George, one of the two guys that came with me, says, Mario, you better stay here.

00:38:29.199 --> 00:38:35.440
Uh, I'm I'm going with my Dell and Jose to the beach, and then my Dale will come back and pick you up later.

00:38:35.679 --> 00:38:36.960
You're gonna be here a while.

00:38:37.119 --> 00:38:39.199
I said, Yes, you're right.

00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:40.400
I'm gonna be here a while.

00:38:40.480 --> 00:38:50.800
And and so for the next three hours, three, four hours, we just talked and told stories about our families and what they've been doing since.

00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:53.840
Uh, she turns out to be a great aunt.

00:38:54.320 --> 00:38:56.480
I never knew was alive.

00:38:57.519 --> 00:38:58.880
I thought they were all dead.

00:38:59.039 --> 00:39:01.119
She was the only one that lived.

00:39:02.079 --> 00:39:03.920
What are the chances of that?

00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:05.440
What are the chances?

00:39:05.519 --> 00:39:06.079
Yeah.

00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:10.000
I got chills when you were telling that story.

00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:12.159
I mean, that was meant to be.

00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:13.360
It was meant to be.

00:39:13.519 --> 00:39:17.199
Well, meeting with uh uh Hector was meant to be.

00:39:17.280 --> 00:39:19.360
Oh that was quite a welcome.

00:39:19.519 --> 00:39:21.119
That was the perfect welcome.

00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:23.199
I've been waiting for you a long time.

00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:28.559
I didn't hear it in the in the uh airport because all of my family's dead.

00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:31.280
But I heard it in the first place I went.

00:39:31.599 --> 00:39:42.800
But it was like also that your past and your now were coming together and your now was like welcoming your past and saying that to you, welcoming you.

00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:51.760
The biggest moment when when that happened was in the same balcony where I saw my father ask for permission to leave.

00:39:51.920 --> 00:40:03.199
That was right towards the end where I went to the previous house that I lived in uh right before we moved into the Apollo house, which is the house from where I left.

00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:05.360
We moved to a brand new development.

00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:06.559
They were all new homes.

00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:14.639
And when they began building, and my father was doing very well in his accounting practice, said, okay, let's move there, right?

00:40:16.400 --> 00:40:19.440
And so I'm back in that other home.

00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:38.559
Um, and they let me in, and all the while that the guy that was there who remembered us, all the while that the guy is touring us through this house that I'm remembering step by step, something kept saying, go to the balcony.

00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:40.239
I didn't know why.

00:40:40.480 --> 00:40:42.559
I call it my siren song.

00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:50.159
I kept looking at the balcony and then continuing looking at it again.

00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:54.960
It's like I could not get myself over the balcony.

00:40:56.400 --> 00:40:58.639
I did not remember that moment yet.

00:40:59.039 --> 00:41:00.559
That moment came back.

00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:07.679
But I I asked Hilberto, who was the son of the owner of the uh of the house.

00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:10.880
I said, Can I go up there alone?

00:41:11.440 --> 00:41:14.559
I think I need to experience something.

00:41:14.800 --> 00:41:16.079
I gotta go there.

00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:17.440
No, you can't.

00:41:17.679 --> 00:41:21.760
My mother is there, she's in a bad mood, she's got a bad headache.

00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:23.679
Don't go in the balcony.

00:41:24.559 --> 00:41:30.880
I said, okay, can at least go up as far as the last uh stair tread.

00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:35.360
She goes, okay, you can go to the landing, he said.

00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:39.360
So you can be more comfortable, but don't go beyond that.

00:41:39.679 --> 00:41:40.880
Okay, okay, I won't.

00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:45.039
I don't want to deal with a woman that has a headache and isn't feeling well.

00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:46.800
No, no way.

00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:48.960
Uh so I did.

00:41:49.039 --> 00:41:54.480
I went there and I sat right at the edge of the stairs and looked down.

00:41:54.639 --> 00:42:00.559
And that's when the whole scene played out of my father asking for, and I remembered it.

00:42:01.039 --> 00:42:03.360
And it was extremely emotional.

00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:16.800
I'm remembering everything that happened, everything I felt when I was eight years old, sitting there, realizing the future that was in front of me.

00:42:16.960 --> 00:42:28.079
And then all of a sudden, I looked and I saw my eight-year-old self sitting right next to me, looking at me.

00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:30.000
And it was weird.

00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:34.639
Mario, why are you seeing yourself when you're young?

00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:37.280
And then I realized, no, it's just a memory.

00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:39.840
So it's a strong memory.

00:42:40.320 --> 00:42:44.719
But in my mind, first thing that I thought is, look at me.

00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:47.360
Look at how innocent I was.

00:42:48.800 --> 00:42:52.559
And then funny enough, my parental instincts kicked in.

00:42:52.880 --> 00:42:56.719
And it was like, I want to tell him that everything is going to be okay.

00:42:56.960 --> 00:43:00.480
I want to tell him, you know, all the things that are gonna happen.

00:43:00.800 --> 00:43:04.320
Uh so he always knows that it'll always be okay.

00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:06.239
But then it dawned on me.

00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:08.800
Um I don't have to.

00:43:09.679 --> 00:43:14.000
Because he's always been me, always been inside me.

00:43:15.119 --> 00:43:16.480
That's my past.

00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:19.039
That's what I came here looking for.

00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:21.360
And then he he just disappeared.

00:43:23.039 --> 00:43:26.159
And then I realized the importance of the moment.

00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:28.719
He had all the memories.

00:43:29.679 --> 00:43:34.559
Me when I was nine, eight, sitting there, had all the memories.

00:43:35.119 --> 00:43:36.880
We divided that day.

00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:38.239
He couldn't come with me.

00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:42.000
And so there he was in my subconscious.

00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:43.840
That's where he lived.

00:43:45.119 --> 00:43:46.239
Far enough away.

00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:49.519
And at that moment, we teamed up again.

00:43:50.079 --> 00:43:51.920
He became me.

00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:59.599
And it was just a matter of memories and memories and memories and memories and memories returning some.

00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:00.719
Beautiful.

00:44:01.119 --> 00:44:10.639
That was one that I remember going into the garage of that house, and my grandfather used to, for fun, uh, do carpentry.

00:44:10.800 --> 00:44:15.039
He would do beautiful sculptures and and also furniture.

00:44:15.199 --> 00:44:25.119
And one day I walked in there, the middle of a Havana summer, hot as can be, and he's sitting there sweating and planing some wood with the old planers, you know?

00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:25.760
Mm-hmm.

00:44:26.239 --> 00:44:33.039
And I remember looking at him and saying, Tata, that's what I used to call, ta-ta.

00:44:33.599 --> 00:44:40.559
Um, I feel something funny in my heart seeing you work that hard and sweat the way you do.

00:44:40.800 --> 00:44:42.159
Am I gonna be okay?

00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:54.000
And my grandfather getting up from his chair, coming over to me, holding me up in the air, hugging me, and then saying, Marito, you just gave me a great gift.

00:44:54.159 --> 00:44:58.079
That feeling you have in your heart, that's because you love me, son.

00:44:58.320 --> 00:44:59.280
And I remember.

00:45:00.800 --> 00:45:05.760
And more than remembered what happened, I remember how I felt.

00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:10.239
And I remember thinking, so this is what love is.

00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:22.320
Because not only did the memories come back, but the way that I felt when I was making that memory came back as well.

00:45:22.639 --> 00:45:23.840
I was that age.

00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:36.559
What I now know that I didn't know then, is that um every time you remember something, you're really remembering the last time you recalled it.

00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:43.039
And along the way, your brain keeps making bridges to fill in what is forgotten.

00:45:44.239 --> 00:45:48.880
Voices, colors, background, you know, all that.

00:45:49.360 --> 00:45:49.840
Right?

00:45:50.559 --> 00:45:57.920
But in my case, since I never remembered any of that, it was like it happened the day before.

00:45:58.719 --> 00:46:01.039
They weren't corrupted, not at all.

00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:10.960
So I didn't just remember my memories like reels, an entire conversation with the context inside the garage.

00:46:11.519 --> 00:46:14.079
The context, he was planning a piece of wood.

00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:18.880
There weren't pictures, there were movies, videos.

00:46:19.920 --> 00:46:24.960
Because to my mind, to my conscious mind, that happened the day before.

00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:28.480
Because I had never thought of it for 56 years.

00:46:29.599 --> 00:46:30.559
Now I know that.

00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:31.760
I didn't know it then.

00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:39.679
I just knew that some wonderful things were happening to me and that there was a force greater than me at play.

00:46:41.199 --> 00:46:41.840
Wow.

00:46:42.400 --> 00:46:48.000
I you you painted that so visually, so beautiful.

00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:54.000
I mean, it was I just picture you sitting next to your eight-year-old self.

00:46:54.239 --> 00:46:54.880
Yeah.

00:46:55.280 --> 00:46:58.880
I mean, oh my gosh, that's just so touching.

00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:14.480
And and how you became one in that moment from who you were now in in that eight-year-old self, and letting yourself know that you're going to be okay, that you've always been you.

00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:18.880
I mean, oh my gosh, I'm I'm getting teary.

00:47:19.280 --> 00:47:25.360
You know, I mean, that that um that's that's really a beautiful visual.

00:47:25.599 --> 00:47:29.599
And I'm so glad that you were able to have that.

00:47:29.840 --> 00:47:32.960
And you had to go all the way to Cuba to get that.

00:47:34.079 --> 00:47:35.440
The stimulus.

00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:44.159
You probably would not have had that kind of closure if you would not have ever gone back.

00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:45.920
No, absolutely.

00:47:46.159 --> 00:47:47.760
It it it was now.

00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:52.159
I know, I did know it then, but now I know uh that it was the stimulus.

00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:59.360
What happens, what they tell me that happened is that when I went back to my home, recognizing where I was, put me there.

00:47:59.599 --> 00:48:04.000
Once they put me there, I'm in my subconscious already.

00:48:04.880 --> 00:48:07.679
So at that point, the subconscious says, let it go.

00:48:07.840 --> 00:48:11.840
He's here, he's inside the subconscious, let it go.

00:48:12.400 --> 00:48:25.760
So at every at every point of stimulus where I put myself in the subconscious, memories, not conscious, but the subconscious memories, I'm there already.

00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:27.119
That's the vault.

00:48:27.440 --> 00:48:33.039
Every time that I went somewhere and they brought back the memories, I'm inside the vault.

00:48:33.119 --> 00:48:35.039
I was preaching the vault.

00:48:35.360 --> 00:48:36.800
The vault is the subconscious.

00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:37.280
Okay.

00:48:37.599 --> 00:48:40.239
So going journey back into the vault.

00:48:40.559 --> 00:48:42.559
The vault is two things.

00:48:42.719 --> 00:49:01.840
It's Cuba, which always has been a vault, but it's also that place in the subconscious where our memories that are quite not so good are kept away from us, so we don't spend our times thinking backwards, but we concentrate in the future.

00:49:02.239 --> 00:49:04.400
It's a survival mechanism.

00:49:04.639 --> 00:49:05.519
Now I know.

00:49:05.840 --> 00:49:06.480
Right.

00:49:06.719 --> 00:49:08.480
And it's a giving permission.

00:49:09.519 --> 00:49:12.559
It's allowing yourself to go there.

00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:21.840
And when the memories are revealed, to allow them to be whatever they are, the good and the bad.

00:49:22.239 --> 00:49:23.760
The good and the bad, right?

00:49:24.559 --> 00:49:28.320
Because you you also visited the graves of your grandparents.

00:49:28.559 --> 00:49:29.360
Oh, yeah.

00:49:29.599 --> 00:49:35.840
That was yeah, uh, people you love deeply and and you never got to see them again.

00:49:36.079 --> 00:49:40.719
I mean, I'm sure that that was incredibly emotional.

00:49:40.960 --> 00:49:42.480
What was that like for you?

00:49:42.639 --> 00:49:47.440
And did you get other did other memories come back because of that?

00:49:47.760 --> 00:49:48.400
Yeah.

00:49:48.639 --> 00:49:52.480
Um I I knew that they were buried in Cologne Cemetery.

00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:56.239
That's a huge cemetery with more than a million graves at it.

00:49:56.719 --> 00:50:01.280
Um it's almost like a city inside of Havana, huge area.

00:50:01.599 --> 00:50:02.400
I didn't know where.

00:50:03.920 --> 00:50:15.360
So we we drive there, we we go to the office, and I I'm talking to the lady in the records room, and I told her, I'm here to visit my um family's grave.

00:50:15.599 --> 00:50:19.119
Um, do you have anything listed under Marcos Mateo?

00:50:19.679 --> 00:50:21.360
Because he was the first to go.

00:50:21.599 --> 00:50:24.559
So I figure, okay, if it's the first to go, it'll be under his name.

00:50:24.639 --> 00:50:24.880
You know?

00:50:25.039 --> 00:50:25.440
Mm-hmm.

00:50:26.159 --> 00:50:30.079
And she comes back from the old records, and there are no computers.

00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:34.719
She goes into this huge vault of her own to find all these documents.

00:50:34.800 --> 00:50:36.239
She comes back, paper.

00:50:36.639 --> 00:50:39.440
I can't find anything under Marcos Mateo.

00:50:39.599 --> 00:50:40.159
I'm sorry.

00:50:40.320 --> 00:50:42.079
I'm not my heart fell.

00:50:43.039 --> 00:50:47.840
I thought that's one, that's one of the biggest reasons why I went.

00:50:48.000 --> 00:50:49.920
I had to say goodbye.

00:50:50.320 --> 00:50:51.840
I need a closure.

00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:52.480
Yeah.

00:50:52.719 --> 00:51:11.119
And so then I remembered that someone told me that once that a person named Odio had buried us along with his family, because for a while you could not own your grave in Cuba.

00:51:11.280 --> 00:51:12.239
Communism, right?

00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:13.280
You can't own anything.

00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:14.239
That's private.

00:51:14.400 --> 00:51:16.000
So you can own your grave.

00:51:16.079 --> 00:51:21.599
So you have to be buried in a mass grave of people who died in your city that week.

00:51:21.679 --> 00:51:23.039
That kind of a thing.

00:51:23.519 --> 00:51:28.320
So, Mario, don't worry, there's a family called Odio who took care of you guys.

00:51:29.440 --> 00:51:29.760
Okay.

00:51:30.400 --> 00:51:33.280
So, do you have anything named for this guy named Odio?

00:51:33.840 --> 00:51:34.559
Let me check.

00:51:34.960 --> 00:51:38.320
So she goes back, comes back again.

00:51:39.599 --> 00:51:42.079
No, I'm sorry, I don't have anything for that either.

00:51:43.280 --> 00:51:44.719
I'm about ready to give up.

00:51:44.960 --> 00:51:49.599
And then she goes, but I do have a grave with a Marcos Mateo.

00:51:51.360 --> 00:51:53.199
That's listed under a different name.

00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:54.719
Well, can I have him?

00:51:56.320 --> 00:51:57.119
Come with me.

00:51:58.000 --> 00:52:08.800
So she made me go to a corner of the office where there was there was nobody around, and she says, Um, I'm gonna give you the man's name and phone number.

00:52:10.559 --> 00:52:14.079
Suffice it to know that this is Fidel Castro's son.

00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:15.679
What?

00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:16.400
Exactly.

00:52:16.559 --> 00:52:20.400
That's what this is Fidel Castro's son.

00:52:21.360 --> 00:52:27.840
So I said, Okay, look, I've spoken to American presidents, Argentinian presidents, Peruvian presidents.

00:52:28.079 --> 00:52:30.000
I can talk to Fidel Castro's son.

00:52:30.719 --> 00:52:31.199
No problem.

00:52:31.760 --> 00:52:32.800
Give me his number.

00:52:33.119 --> 00:52:34.239
So I called him up.

00:52:34.639 --> 00:52:37.840
Three rings later, he answers the phone in Spanish.

00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:40.000
So I said, hello, he goes, hello.

00:52:40.159 --> 00:52:43.440
I said, my name is Mario Cartaya Mateo.

00:52:43.599 --> 00:52:44.719
And he goes, Mayito?

00:52:46.239 --> 00:52:46.480
What?

00:52:47.119 --> 00:52:49.280
So I I stopped and I said, please.

00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:50.960
His name is Angel.

00:52:52.800 --> 00:52:53.280
Angel.

00:52:53.920 --> 00:52:57.840
I said, Angel, um, how do I know you?

00:52:59.199 --> 00:52:59.920
Don't you remember?

00:53:00.239 --> 00:53:01.760
I said, No, that's why I'm here.

00:53:02.400 --> 00:53:03.119
To remember.

00:53:03.519 --> 00:53:08.800
He goes, ah, we knew each other from school when we were kids, we played together all the time.

00:53:08.960 --> 00:53:16.880
And then his mother had married my uncle after I left.

00:53:17.519 --> 00:53:19.760
And so there's a relationship there.

00:53:21.039 --> 00:53:24.400
And I knew this kid growing up in my school.

00:53:24.719 --> 00:53:28.400
Once he said it, then I went, Oh yeah, Angelito.

00:53:29.119 --> 00:53:30.400
Now I know who he was.

00:53:30.719 --> 00:53:32.320
But back then, you don't know.

00:53:32.800 --> 00:53:34.480
Angel, Angelito.

00:53:34.639 --> 00:53:38.239
I mean, how many angels have I met in my life?

00:53:38.880 --> 00:53:41.440
Other than the ones who seem to follow me everywhere, right?

00:53:41.599 --> 00:53:48.559
Um so I said, Um, boy, yes, this is quite a surprise.

00:53:48.719 --> 00:53:51.360
He goes, Yeah, I kind of thought that it would be for you.

00:53:52.480 --> 00:53:55.039
I was hoping that you would you would call me someday.

00:53:55.280 --> 00:53:57.920
And so, you know, we went to the wedding together, right?

00:53:58.559 --> 00:54:03.440
And so he said, Have you have you been over to your family's grave yet?

00:54:03.679 --> 00:54:05.519
And I said, No, Angel, I have.

00:54:06.079 --> 00:54:07.599
That's why I'm calling you.

00:54:07.760 --> 00:54:12.000
Uh, somehow your name is listed with uh my family's grave.

00:54:12.159 --> 00:54:16.639
I'd like to know where it is, so I can go there and pray.

00:54:17.280 --> 00:54:24.239
And he says, Look, I'm sorry, uh, I don't know where it is, but my ex-wife knows.

00:54:24.880 --> 00:54:27.920
So, well, can you call her and ask her to nominal Mario?

00:54:28.000 --> 00:54:29.039
I I can't call her.

00:54:29.199 --> 00:54:31.679
We haven't spoken to each other in 10 years.

00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:32.480
Oh my god.

00:54:32.639 --> 00:54:33.519
And I began laughing.

00:54:33.599 --> 00:54:39.599
He said, Well, I can see the divorces in Havana are just as bad as those in the United States.

00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:41.280
He began to laugh.

00:54:41.519 --> 00:54:43.280
But I said, Don't worry, don't worry.

00:54:43.599 --> 00:54:55.119
Here's what he was gonna do: call his daughter, who lives in Cologne, Germany, for her to then call back her mother living in Havana, for her to call me.

00:54:56.239 --> 00:55:03.280
So I'm figuring, okay, six hours difference between here and Germany and back to call and Cuba's telephone system.

00:55:03.440 --> 00:55:04.559
It's not that good.

00:55:05.199 --> 00:55:07.519
Uh, I'll never get anything back.

00:55:07.679 --> 00:55:09.360
So, okay, no problem.

00:55:09.679 --> 00:55:10.159
Thank you.

00:55:10.239 --> 00:55:11.360
I appreciate that.

00:55:11.519 --> 00:55:23.119
And so I told um the um guy that we hired to tour us through them and take us to the grave sites, okay, let's go see my other grandfather's name, uh uh, please.

00:55:23.360 --> 00:55:28.719
The Cartaya, who died when my father was only four years old.

00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:29.760
Okay.

00:55:30.159 --> 00:55:31.039
I had never met.

00:55:31.199 --> 00:55:36.639
So he he takes me there, and there I am in front of my grandfather that I never met.

00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:39.119
But it's still family.

00:55:39.360 --> 00:55:44.559
My grandmother is not buried with him because she eventually came to the U.S.

00:55:45.039 --> 00:55:50.880
But yet there it is, a lot for two, with only one part being open.

00:55:51.039 --> 00:55:55.199
So obviously, she intended to be buried next to her husband.

00:55:55.360 --> 00:56:02.079
She just died in Miami, and we buried her there about 20 years ago.

00:56:02.400 --> 00:56:09.599
While I'm there, I get my driver running at me with his cell phone.

00:56:09.920 --> 00:56:15.280
Mario, I have a lady that says she knows you, that she was married to Fidel Castro's son.

00:56:15.440 --> 00:56:20.159
I didn't tell anybody about that, but okay, now the secret is out in the open.

00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:21.760
So give me the phone.

00:56:21.920 --> 00:56:25.679
So I speak with her and she goes, Maito, do you remember me?

00:56:25.920 --> 00:56:26.880
And I said, No.

00:56:27.280 --> 00:56:28.880
And then she told me about her.

00:56:29.039 --> 00:56:32.719
She was my mother's student in the in the school, too.

00:56:33.039 --> 00:56:33.679
Oh, okay.

00:56:33.920 --> 00:56:38.000
You know, and I went to her wedding with I and her son, all that.

00:56:38.400 --> 00:56:40.480
And so she gave me the address.

00:56:41.119 --> 00:56:46.320
I had to go through all that in order to then get the address.

00:56:46.719 --> 00:56:53.920
So then we were able to finally go find my family, and um, and I had my closure.

00:56:54.400 --> 00:57:08.880
I spoke with them, and I had brought from here photographs of my American family, and I had the pleasure of putting all those photographs on top of their graves.

00:57:08.960 --> 00:57:13.440
They have these things where you put letters or flowers or whatever.

00:57:13.599 --> 00:57:19.119
So I put all of the photographs of all of us that came here, including my parents.

00:57:19.840 --> 00:57:29.199
And at that point, I was able to re-reunify the family for the first time in 56 years.

00:57:30.639 --> 00:57:32.000
They weren't alive.

00:57:32.800 --> 00:57:33.760
But you know what?

00:57:33.840 --> 00:57:35.199
That was good enough for me.

00:57:35.360 --> 00:57:41.360
I was able to somehow bring us all together, if only in a symbolic fashion.

00:57:42.320 --> 00:57:53.360
It is absolutely miracle after miracle after miracle that you found this person that led you to this, that led you to this.

00:57:53.519 --> 00:57:55.920
I mean, oh my gosh.

00:57:56.400 --> 00:57:59.280
And then, I mean, how long were you there?

00:57:59.920 --> 00:58:02.880
And I was there for six days.

00:58:03.280 --> 00:58:06.159
So all of this happened within that amount of time.

00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:07.039
And more.

00:58:07.360 --> 00:58:08.800
That is the end of part one.

00:58:08.960 --> 00:58:13.360
What stays with me after this conversation isn't just Mario's journey back to Cuba.

00:58:13.519 --> 00:58:15.840
It's what that journey gave him.

00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:23.199
Because how many of us are walking around building full, successful lives while still carrying pieces of a story we never got to finish?

00:58:23.360 --> 00:58:32.159
Today we heard what it means to go back, to stand in the places that shaped you, to face what was lost, and to discover what was never really gone.

00:58:32.320 --> 00:58:48.320
But we're only halfway through this story because in part two, we're going deeper into what happens after the return, what it actually feels like to sit with that kind of closure, how it changes the way that you see your life, your identity, and your sense of belonging moving forward.

00:58:48.400 --> 00:58:54.000
And we're going to ask the harder questions does going back kill you, or does it open something new?

00:58:54.079 --> 00:58:56.400
And what do you do with that once you find it?

00:58:56.559 --> 00:58:59.280
Thank you for listening and see you in part two.