Dec. 31, 2025

Rethinking Possible: Acceptance, Autism, And A Life Rebuilt

Rethinking Possible: Acceptance, Autism, And A Life Rebuilt

Send us a text We trace a life rebuilt through acceptance, humor, and purpose, from paralysis and autism advocacy to grief, faith, and the daily practice of choosing better. The path moves from why to how, from pity to power, and from isolation to community through Pathfinders for Autism. • tracking tiny gains with a “better than yesterday” list • Madison’s autism story and early ABA access • founding Pathfinders for Autism and scaling resources • parallel paths planning and an acceptance tu...

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Season 3

Send us a text

We trace a life rebuilt through acceptance, humor, and purpose, from paralysis and autism advocacy to grief, faith, and the daily practice of choosing better. The path moves from why to how, from pity to power, and from isolation to community through Pathfinders for Autism.

• tracking tiny gains with a “better than yesterday” list
• Madison’s autism story and early ABA access
• founding Pathfinders for Autism and scaling resources
• parallel paths planning and an acceptance turning point
• music, wheelchair dancing, and family humor as fuel
• accessibility barriers and choosing agency over pity
• faith, the “black chair,” and honest anger with God
• reframing grief as “adventures with uncertain outcomes”
• blended family grace and looking for people’s sparkle
• unresolved anger, taking out the pin, moving forward
• living fully with unanswered questions and daily effort

Visit PathfindersforAutism.org to search resources by age and need
Books available at BeckyGalli.com and major booksellers
Subscribe to Thoughtful Thursdays on BeckyGalli.com


Support the show

@Real Talk with Tina and Ann

Chapters

00:00 - Struck Not Stuck: Small Wins

02:20 - Madison’s Autism Journey And ABA

05:20 - Founding Pathfinders For Autism

08:10 - Acceptance, Parallel Paths, And Letting Go

12:00 - Humor, Music, And Soul-Level Resilience

15:20 - From Pity To Power And Access

18:00 - Faith, Anger, And The Black Chair

21:20 - Adventures With Uncertain Outcomes

24:00 - Blended Family Grace And Sparkle

26:40 - Unresolved Anger And Moving Forward

29:00 - Two Losses, One Loving Frame

31:00 - Living Fully With Unanswered Questions

Transcript
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00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:02.720
You know, your dad had other powerful words.

00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:11.599
Um, he said, happiness lies in the difference between between being struck by a challenge and being stuck in a challenge.

00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:16.399
And that really hit me because that again is another perspective shift.

00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:22.559
I think we all have moments where we need to kind of pause and catch our breath and just be still for a while.

00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:24.719
But that I don't call that stuck.

00:00:24.960 --> 00:00:38.079
Did you ever feel stuck during times when there was progress or maybe you felt like you weren't really moving, but because you couldn't see it or feel it, but you were doing everything that you could?

00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:46.799
Yeah, you know, I I came up with this idea of of the power of better, you know, or just uh better moments.

00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:52.479
And so it's like what what was different about today than yesterday?

00:00:52.640 --> 00:00:54.799
One small thing that got better.

00:00:55.039 --> 00:00:59.920
It may not have been the best, it may not have been achieved my goal, but did something get better?

00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:21.200
Did I, you know, get the dog out on time or get the get get the dog out, you know, early enough for him, or did I wake up without the alarm clock, or did I make a tiny bit of progress and I let that count, you know, I let that count that that I was able to do something a little tiny bit better than the day before.

00:01:21.280 --> 00:01:29.680
And just seeing that progress, you know, had a gratitude journal that I was doing three things I was grateful for every day.

00:01:29.760 --> 00:01:30.719
And I said, well, you know what?

00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:35.040
I'm gonna attract three things that were better today about than yesterday.

00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:38.560
So that encouraged that forward momentum.

00:01:39.680 --> 00:01:40.640
You know what?

00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:44.480
Making it that small sometimes is what we have to do.

00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:56.480
Sometimes we can only pay attention to the step in front of us or the step that we just took, you know, to where it sometimes it is just, you know, really honing in on a smaller amount of time.

00:01:56.799 --> 00:01:58.239
I really like that.

00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:01.760
Madison's journey with autism, of course.

00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:10.400
Autism is very special to my heart, of course, but her story really touched me as an autistic adult as well.

00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:16.240
And I love how you celebrated her voice after she started AD ABA.

00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:18.479
And I loved her place in the family.

00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:24.960
I loved how Britney wanted to include her in the wedding and the way that that happened, and then the photos that were taken.

00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:29.680
And it made me think of your mom as well, because photos were so important to her.

00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:36.080
What were your what were the parts of your kids that helped hold you up?

00:02:36.240 --> 00:02:43.840
Because they seemed to all hold each other up and and you held them up, but what were the parts that helped hold you up?

00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:45.439
You know, they kept growing.

00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:52.400
It was like I was waiting to know after, especially after paralysis, I was waiting to figure out what I was gonna walk again.

00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:54.159
But you know, they had their needs.

00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:58.240
They were three, five, seven, and nine when I was paralyzed.

00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:08.080
And so Madison needed uh, well, at the time that was 1997, and so there wasn't a whole lot about autism.

00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:24.960
And this is um when I had uh reached out to a fellow uh parent, sent home this yellow flyer in uh Madison's backpack, and and that taught us about ABA or invited us to her home to learn about uh ABA therapy.

00:03:25.120 --> 00:03:39.280
We used that with Madison, but and then later that that uh transaction of sharing information that wasn't available through through a doctor or educator, that became the basis of Pathfinders for Autism.

00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:47.840
And that put me on that track, you know, to work with with that, you know, toward that for two for three years before it was incorporated.

00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:55.039
So her needs helped me journey through my weighting of if I was gonna walk again.

00:03:55.120 --> 00:04:01.759
So it was nice to redirect my energy instead of all about me to how can I help Madison?

00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:04.080
That was so important.

00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:14.319
I love that part of the story, and that uh the Baltimore Orioles' wives ended up, you know, raising$100,000, which was the most that they had raised at that time.

00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:20.879
And then even Michael Phelps, here he is, he jumps on board as an honorary member and then a radio spot for you.

00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:22.480
I thought that that was so great.

00:04:22.720 --> 00:04:24.560
Can you talk more about that?

00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:25.839
Sure.

00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:31.920
So we uh in the in the early days, we were just a small group of parents sharing information.

00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:34.160
We're trying to share our discoveries.

00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:46.160
And then in 2000, we were incorporated, we hired our first employee who had a uh a child with autism because at the time everybody was saying, wait and see what happens.

00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:54.240
And we had uh wanted people to get as as many resources as they could and talk to another parent on the phone.

00:04:54.319 --> 00:04:56.560
This is way before Google or the internet or social.

00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:38.000
So we uh started out that way uh with just a person answering the phone and we developed a database and then we created special events to try to help raise money, and and now you know we serve 20,000 people a year with oh my gosh, yes, some family events where people can go and and feel safe going to the aquarium with their kids with autism or long gardens or there's different uh activities we have, and we also train first responders, you know, whether EMTs, uh, your your next encounter is gonna be with a person with autism.

00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:39.600
You know, how would you respond?

00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:42.319
How can you be sensitized to their needs?

00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:45.759
So been great in 25 years.

00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:48.160
This this year is our 25th anniversary.

00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:49.920
Oh my gosh.

00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:52.639
Can I ask how Madison is doing?

00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:54.160
She's doing well.

00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:56.639
Um, she's still she's 33.

00:05:56.800 --> 00:06:08.079
She uh still can't read or write or ever be left alone, but she's doing very well in a um uh residential uh group home.

00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:12.240
And then she has a day program as well where she's out in the community every single day.

00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:20.079
So very grateful for those support services that Path Founders actually helped me find.

00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:32.160
So that's they're still finding paths for no matter what age, uh, because it seems like they always have uh needs that are at least outside my capacity to handle.

00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:35.439
So it's good to have kind of a safety net there to help you.

00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:45.040
That's interesting that you called it Pathfinders because you had had this thing about paths, you know, two different paths.

00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:54.639
And then you created the you just took coffee containers and you drew these circles interlocking, and then you created this logo, and then you came up with this.

00:06:54.720 --> 00:07:02.319
I mean, you were just so thinking outside of the box and trying to do something instead of just sit in the pain.

00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:05.120
And I just thought that that was amazing that you did that.

00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:08.480
And look, I mean, you're still now 25 years later.

00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:10.079
That's so great.

00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:13.040
Yeah, and the and the path keeps going.

00:07:13.199 --> 00:07:19.519
And I I think that the idea of a of a path is is that sometimes it's just finding the path.

00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:23.920
They're already out there, we just don't know about them, so it's bringing it to light, you know.

00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:25.279
Pathfinder.

00:07:26.160 --> 00:07:36.000
Uh sometimes we uh create our own paths out there, but most often their resources is just getting it in a place that people can discover it.

00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:46.959
But it's a very uh rewarding experience to we have an amazing staff now that are so helpful and so have so much expertise.

00:07:47.360 --> 00:07:54.240
Is it just within the Baltimore area or is it you know nationwide, or what is it pretty local?

00:07:54.720 --> 00:08:02.319
It is a a statewide organization, but but our data but our database serves people from all over the world.

00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:03.759
Oh my gosh.

00:08:04.000 --> 00:08:04.319
Yes.

00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:08.800
So you can do PathfindersforAutism.org and go on there and search.

00:08:08.959 --> 00:08:13.920
You can search by age, what age your child is and what services are recommended.

00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:19.600
And we have resources on there, which are primarily uh in in the Maryland area.

00:08:19.680 --> 00:08:28.639
But there's some, you know, we screen the resources we add to our database, and and we're open to others uh contributing to.

00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:30.959
That's right.

00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:33.519
I might have to look it up when I get off of here.

00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:34.320
Yeah.

00:08:34.879 --> 00:08:46.720
So with your paths and rethinking possible, when you talked earlier about two different paths, you also did that with your own life when you were in the wheelchair.

00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:51.840
And um, one if you would never walk again, and one if you could.

00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:54.639
And I thought that that was brilliant.

00:08:54.799 --> 00:08:58.960
Was that your way of also back, you know, creating these two paths?

00:08:59.200 --> 00:09:06.159
And I think you already might have answered this question, but was it your way of forward thinking during a time of acceptance?

00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:08.080
Yes, absolutely.

00:09:08.240 --> 00:09:16.559
That's that is how I kept myself moving because it it was too hard to just wonder all the time.

00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:24.639
And I think that uh, you know, as Winston Churchill says, when you're going through hell, keep going.

00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:29.919
And to keep going, I needed to feel like that I can make progress.

00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:34.080
So I did the parallel paths, what happens if I can walk?

00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:35.679
What happens if I couldn't?

00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:44.799
And then uh, you know, I had a a a moment that I decided to to give up um on walking.

00:09:45.039 --> 00:09:47.279
This was 19 months in.

00:09:48.080 --> 00:10:05.039
And I I I think we have talked about uh kind of my big toe moment where where I decided that was the last thing I could wiggle before the paralysis was complete was my left big toe.

00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:14.799
And after so many, um after 19 months of three therapy three times a week, uh, I really wasn't making any progress.

00:10:14.879 --> 00:10:18.080
And I I decided to just let go of that.

00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:21.279
And so I stopped my therapy.

00:10:21.360 --> 00:10:29.440
Uh, and I was able to lean in more fully to a life as a paraplegic, life as a paraplegic mom.

00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:38.639
And I realized looking back that therapy three times a week had taken me away from my kids at the dinner hour for for three nights a week.

00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:41.840
So I thought, well, I have that time now.

00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:53.039
And so I was like, we're gonna do what I could remember from my mom's days, and we had candles with our dinner, and I played music.

00:10:53.120 --> 00:11:09.440
This was back with the CD clubs that were so I I bought a bunch of CDs that were funky disco that I loved in my college days, and then jazz, and then classical, and I felt like I was creating another environment for us to be family uh together.

00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:23.919
So uh, but I think we we all in life sometimes have these big toe moments when it's like you've gotta it's time to let go of something that's not gonna be a reality for your for your life.

00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:30.480
Yeah, I think it's that leaning into acceptance instead of resistance, you know.

00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:34.159
I mean, that that's a hard place to be.

00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:38.799
It's crossing that line over into fully acceptance, I think.

00:11:39.679 --> 00:11:40.879
It is hard.

00:11:41.759 --> 00:11:45.360
You know, acceptance also had a different take for me in your book.

00:11:46.240 --> 00:12:13.279
Uh Matthew had and all he had gone through, and your miscarriages, and after your daughter Madison's challenges and Peter's and trying to manage as a single parent in a wheelchair, you know, your entire story of now you have your brother had passed, your dad had passed, you got the call about your mom, and you say you went right to acceptance.

00:12:13.519 --> 00:12:49.600
You had spent a lifetime of hearing these horrible news, this horrible news, and then going through maybe the grief process or whatever, the steps that you need to go to, but then you went straight to acceptance, and it made me realize that I too have been through so many things in my life that I think sometimes we just go straight to accept and it's acceptance, and it's like that we become robots to pain, and it's just okay, I know the drill, you know, and you just go through the motions, okay.

00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:52.559
Now we gotta do this, we gotta the funeral, whatever.

00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:56.639
And you just are just so numb to it, and it's more something like that.

00:12:56.799 --> 00:12:57.360
I don't know.

00:12:57.600 --> 00:12:59.120
Is that how you felt?

00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:00.320
Yeah, her.

00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:13.840
I think that sometimes when you're you have this unexpected event that's horrific, and then you you move to this why, you know, why did this happen?

00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:18.559
I don't deserve this, this isn't fair, all this emotional fog.

00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:25.039
Um but after a while you realize that that doesn't really do you any good.

00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:36.080
You know, you it's an emotional thing, you you need to process it, but at the moment, you need to like get an action for for what is the next step?

00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:38.320
What is what are things that need to do?

00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:49.600
And and and I call it this pivot from why and why did all this happen and all the angst and outrage and and uh that you feel with that why to how?

00:13:49.919 --> 00:13:51.120
How are you gonna do it?

00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:53.919
And how puts you into acceptance mode.

00:13:54.080 --> 00:14:06.000
And it just that change of question from why to how gets you more in acceptance, and I think helps you move through it uh more maybe efficiently.

00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:13.440
That doesn't mean that you can't come back to why at some point, but we knew our mother had had a serious illness.

00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:14.639
We didn't know why.

00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:23.759
We didn't, you know, there's a lot of more mystery that there was to investigate, but Rachel got there and I knew what I needed to do to address the situation.

00:14:25.919 --> 00:14:37.919
Yeah, and I think it going from why to how gives you that sense of control, you know, it's like all of a sudden you you can you can do something with the why.

00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:44.720
Yeah, you park that why and and come back to it, but your how it's it puts you in problem solving mode.

00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:46.879
It's it does, it does.

00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:52.559
Wandering or pondering, you're just gonna, all right, let's do it.

00:14:52.639 --> 00:14:53.759
You know, what do you need to do?

00:14:53.919 --> 00:14:56.080
Examine your resources, who can help you?

00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:58.639
Yeah, that's what you do, that's what we do.

00:14:58.799 --> 00:14:59.440
It is.

00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:12.159
You know, one of the things that I absolutely loved about your family was that you found ways to celebrate and have fun, and your family's sense of humor carried all of you, I believe.

00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:24.320
When your dad did whatever he did in the van, when it, you know, and you're gonna you got this van, you're going to go drive it for the first time, and you're in there, your mom's, I guess, in the passenger seat.

00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:25.600
That's how I pictured it.

00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:34.639
And your dad does something, and you just tip back and you're staring at the ceiling, and you look over at your mom who's back's to you, and her shoulders are shaking.

00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:38.000
And I thought she was going to be crying.

00:15:38.399 --> 00:15:42.000
And she turns around and she's like hysterically laughing.

00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:45.039
I was like, that is awesome.

00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:51.120
She did say, Are you okay, baby, first, just before she started laughing?

00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:55.120
But she was, you know, it was the perfect combination.

00:15:55.279 --> 00:15:56.480
Dad could tell a joke.

00:15:56.559 --> 00:15:57.840
I mean, he was a jokester.

00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:00.080
He just, he just was.

00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:03.600
Uh, and and mother couldn't tell a joke to save her life.

00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:08.000
She'd tell you the punchline before she would tell you, you know, the story.

00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:15.200
But she had this we call it tickle box meltdown, where she would just cry with tears.

00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:17.840
She would just be laughing so she couldn't talk.

00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:28.879
And it really was funny because I was on my back, and at the time I was wearing these tatten leather Doc Martin shoes, and I was looking up at the ceiling, and there were my legs.

00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:31.679
Of course, I can't move my legs, but they're hanging above me.

00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:34.159
Thank heavens I have a seatbelt on.

00:16:34.559 --> 00:16:43.440
So it was dad was trying to use the hand controls of my car, which are meant, you know, you have to be trained to use these things.

00:16:43.600 --> 00:16:48.720
Well, he he just doesn't he skips ahead sometimes when he's looking at directions.

00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:57.360
So he he just hit that thing and the van lurched forward and I went backward, and she was a puddle of tears.

00:16:57.759 --> 00:17:03.600
But we um we really had a lot of humor in our in our household.

00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:04.240
We did.

00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:22.160
And when you were talking about being stuck or struck, I had written a morning fuel entry about that because I used it when uh that that that phrase when Rachel had come to visit me during uh uh I think it was early late March one year.

00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:32.319
Anyway, we had a surprise snowstorm and uh she couldn't leave, she couldn't fly back home, um, and we were stuck, you know.

00:17:32.559 --> 00:17:36.640
And instead of being stuck, we decided to go out and play in the snow.

00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:42.640
So I did, you know, donuts with my wheelchair and and she did snow angels.

00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:44.160
That is so funny.

00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:48.480
You know, we were struck by the challenge instead of being stuck in it.

00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:56.640
So it really just gave us a lighter way to look at life because sometimes it's just so crazy.

00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:58.160
It's funny, you know.

00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:00.720
How can all this stuff happen?

00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:03.200
What's you know, why not laugh about it?

00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:06.960
We sure we're overcome, you know, by grief and by anger.

00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:09.119
We can be overcome by laughter too.

00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:09.920
That counts.

00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:10.319
Sure.

00:18:10.559 --> 00:18:11.119
Right, right.

00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:15.759
And I read that passage in uh Morning Fuel, and it was really funny.

00:18:15.839 --> 00:18:17.599
I pictured you doing that.

00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:19.359
Uh yeah, it was great.

00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:21.759
And you're right, you just have to make the best of it.

00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:22.640
You just have to.

00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:25.920
I mean, life is happening, you might as well laugh along the way.

00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:29.279
And you had a dance party after your divorce.

00:18:29.519 --> 00:18:32.000
I mean, that was awesome.

00:18:32.319 --> 00:18:40.880
And also, the picture in my mind of you trying to get ready in the bathroom with your friend and your sister for that wedding.

00:18:41.119 --> 00:18:42.559
And you know what?

00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:44.480
It was hilarious.

00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:59.119
Yeah, they uh we never did that again, but let's just say I went up on the floor and had a friend pulling me up and Rachel shoving me to the buttons, uh, it was an interesting time in the bathroom.

00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:01.039
Well, it made a memory, right?

00:19:01.519 --> 00:19:02.160
Yes.

00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:17.839
And when you were at that wedding, you had a moment you were able to request a song and you wanted to play that funky music, and you danced, and it was the first time that you had danced to that song since you and your brother Forrest had danced to it 20 years prior.

00:19:18.079 --> 00:19:25.440
So, what I loved about what you said was my body might be paralyzed, but my soul's moving on.

00:19:25.839 --> 00:19:27.920
I mean, how profound.

00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:31.039
Can you tell me about that moment of freedom?

00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:38.559
You know, it's um I enjoyed dancing so much, and Forrest and I won the dance contest.

00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:41.519
You know, back I came back my first year of college.

00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:44.799
I came back and he and I um entered the high school contest.

00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:48.319
I still have to see the trophy right there on my computer.

00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:59.279
Um but uh it was uh it it brought back I could shut my eyes and remember everything I did with him.

00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:22.000
And So I I loved wheelchair dancing and I'm just I I decided to embrace that with you know I I can't move around the dance floor like I used to, can't use my legs, but I can have the the music in my heart and let the memory fill fill it and really enjoy it.

00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:28.160
Yeah, it seemed like music was one of those things that helped get you through as well, besides laughter.

00:20:28.720 --> 00:20:29.200
Yes.

00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:31.680
Yeah, music is really important to me too.

00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:38.240
I I can take it go back to a moment in time and I can, you know, feel that when you hear certain songs.

00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:40.799
So yeah, they really do carry us.

00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:49.599
One of the things though that I hated the most for you, um, one of the things was how you were treated differently.

00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:57.599
And I touched on it earlier, but I, you know, that column that you created from where I sit.

00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:06.880
Again, you were taking back power, but you have a story of being at your daughter's new school and nothing was wheelchair friendly.

00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:10.799
And you would even call ahead and ask for a ramp, but they didn't have the ramp.

00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:18.160
They had, you know, thick rug, you couldn't get your legs under the table, you couldn't reach the food at the buffet.

00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:22.559
You know, they weren't making sure that you were okay.

00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:46.960
And that just that really hurt me for, you know, I was hurt for you, but you knew it would probably be hard, I'm sure, because you know, all these women are socializing and everything, they're leaving you out, but you showed up, and even though that it would be hard, and then your dad's words from pity to power are perfect for this moment.

00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.079
Did you feel empowered by his words in times like this?

00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:56.400
Did it shift your attitude and not letting other people's heartless actions affect you?

00:21:58.079 --> 00:21:59.119
I think it did.

00:21:59.279 --> 00:22:07.599
I think it has just been underneath a lot of the times where I've had to make that that pivot from pity to to power.

00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:47.119
In that particular instance, I I at one point I wanted to just I was actually heading to uh the closet to just have a good cry, and somebody stopped and and said something about Brittany, and it was um, and we struck up a conversation, and then she asked if she could help me with my plate, and then she sat beside me at the table, and then I started focusing on the needs of my daughter instead of my needs and what I could learn from the community that was there, and there was real strength in that to learn something for my daughter that could be used right away.

00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:50.720
Uh so yeah, I did think about that.

00:22:50.799 --> 00:23:07.519
And it's um another um another thing that mom used to say, and I just revisited this with a friend some time ago, and and she would say, you know, Becky, don't, don't let the situation, don't let it get the best of you.

00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:10.000
Don't let it get the best of you.

00:23:10.079 --> 00:23:13.920
And I and I would think about that, even in that situation.

00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:17.200
Was I gonna let that situation get the best of me?

00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:18.880
Was this the best I had?

00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:23.680
And were they gonna, was I gonna waste my best, you know, being sorry for myself?

00:23:23.759 --> 00:23:28.000
Or I was gonna find that my best and use it in a different direction.

00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:30.960
So that those words too.

00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:32.799
What is the best of you?

00:23:32.960 --> 00:23:36.000
And where are you letting that uh go?

00:23:36.319 --> 00:23:38.640
Are you controlling where the best of you goes?

00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:43.119
Are you the best of you with an outburst of anger?

00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:45.920
You know, the best of you goes with envy.

00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:49.200
The best of you, where is that best of you going?

00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:53.680
And of course, we want our best to go in a positive direction.

00:23:53.839 --> 00:24:00.240
We want people to see our best and we want our best to absorb what's around us, perhaps to help somebody else.

00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:03.680
If it didn't help in me, it I would might as well help my daughter.

00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:06.720
And so that was that was the biggest shift there.

00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:08.319
But I almost went home.

00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:11.039
It was a it was it was a difficult situation.

00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:19.279
Yeah, and I hope that uh that places are more wheelchair friendly for you and that you feel more accepted.

00:24:19.440 --> 00:24:21.039
I mean, that was just not okay.

00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:22.880
I was angry for you.

00:24:23.440 --> 00:24:25.039
And they did they learned from it.

00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:29.759
They did, I must say they learned from it, and the next time it went smooth as silk.

00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:31.759
So, and that's the other thing.

00:24:31.839 --> 00:24:37.920
If sometimes it's not definitely they they didn't mean to be exclusive to me.

00:24:38.079 --> 00:24:47.680
And if people learn and correct it, so I was deeply grateful that they were sensitive to that and even apologetic later for it.

00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:52.000
But at the time, there's nothing that can be done, you know, you just gotta deal with it.

00:24:53.599 --> 00:24:54.559
How do I get through this?

00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:56.400
Right, yeah, yeah.

00:24:56.720 --> 00:25:03.440
You know, whenever I'm going through a hard time or anything, and I'm gonna remember your dad's words.

00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:07.839
Um, don't judge a performance in the middle of an act.

00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:15.200
I just was like, wow, I that was amazing that he said that.

00:25:15.359 --> 00:25:18.400
I think, like I said, I will always remember that.

00:25:18.559 --> 00:25:21.680
What did you take away with you when he said that?

00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:38.240
I think it's another version of trust the process, where in the middle of something, and you don't you have no idea what the future is gonna be, but but to some extent you can influence the future by how you approach the middle of the act.

00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:47.200
If then acceptance helps with this, like there's some things you can't control, you gotta release those and move to what you can control.

00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:48.640
Exactly.

00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:52.799
And trying to find the good things as you're moving through it.

00:25:53.039 --> 00:25:58.880
Um, but it's it's helpful, especially if you're feeling stuck, like the the middle of the act.

00:25:59.119 --> 00:26:01.279
Okay, this isn't over yet.

00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:06.799
There's more to come, and hopefully it'll be better than where you are at the moment.

00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:12.640
Yeah, because you know, there's days that if somebody judged me on that day, it would be like, Yeah, it's not good.

00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:15.359
So don't please judge me in the middle of my act.

00:26:15.519 --> 00:26:17.519
You know, I mean, I thought that that was beautiful.

00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:19.279
Did he have some great ones?

00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:27.839
I want to talk about your dad a little bit more because he was so much of who you are, and cancer is a horrible disease.

00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:40.559
And that moment, I think, was one of the most real moments, what I call a Job from the Bible moment, when you have that real, God won't give us more than we can handle.

00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:43.119
I mean, there are reasons for these tragedies.

00:26:43.359 --> 00:26:44.240
God is love.

00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:46.799
How can He allow all of this?

00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:50.319
I mean, it's real, it's raw.

00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:57.359
And those are the things I think that people do say to us sometimes in order to help in a really hard situation.

00:26:57.599 --> 00:27:04.319
And um, I mean, I had something awful happen, and somebody said, Well, if you just give it to the Lord, everything will be okay.

00:27:04.559 --> 00:27:07.599
And I just went, No, it won't.

00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:08.960
No, it won't.

00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:11.200
You know, I have given it to God.

00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:13.440
And no, it's still not going to be okay.

00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:19.039
So, do you think it makes our relationship with God less because we might shout those things out?

00:27:19.359 --> 00:27:20.559
No, I don't.

00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:23.039
I, you know, he's tough, he can take it.

00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:28.720
And uh, you know, the the name of my dad's book that he wrote was Sit Down, God, I'm angry.

00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:32.799
This was after uh Forrest's death.

00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:37.359
Uh and the backstory of that goes to when we were kids.

00:27:37.519 --> 00:27:44.559
I think it was 12, Forrest was 10, Rachel was eight, and and we'd just gotten tired of being parenting, I think.

00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:51.519
And we went in and we saw mom and dad lounging in their bedroom and said, you know, dad was sitting in a black chair.

00:27:51.759 --> 00:27:55.039
Dad, you know, who do we tell off when we get mad?

00:27:55.279 --> 00:27:56.319
Yes, I remember.

00:27:56.480 --> 00:27:56.720
Yes.

00:27:57.680 --> 00:28:00.880
He said, You can tell, you know, and he, you know, thought about it.

00:28:01.039 --> 00:28:02.400
He said, What do you mean, tell you off?

00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:05.519
And I said, Well, you know, you you get mad and you tell us off.

00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:07.359
And he said, Well, you can tell me off.

00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:08.480
And we said, No, we can't.

00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:10.799
You'll get angry, you'll punish us.

00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:20.960
And uh he thought about it for a minute, he looked at mom and said, You know, when I'm sitting in this black chair, you can tell me anything you want.

00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:24.960
And I will not punish you.

00:28:25.279 --> 00:28:28.240
So that became our safe place.

00:28:28.400 --> 00:28:30.960
Uh, you know, at the time I said, Dad, when did we get started?

00:28:31.119 --> 00:28:35.279
And we just listed off every uh injustice we could think of.

00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:43.039
But uh through the years it became a safe place to talk to him about, you know, the first car accident.

00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:54.799
Forrest had had a little fender bender told about that, or the first night somebody had a sip of beer, or the first, you know, the first time so I was asked on a date and the angst around that.

00:28:55.039 --> 00:29:05.359
So um, and after Forrest died, um, and he had uh uh told that story a lot, and his minister friends know about that story.

00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:15.119
So when Forrest died, we were in the hospital, or actually, I think before he would, you know, he was unconscious nine days.

00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:33.839
So during that time, Dad um was in the lobby with some of his minister friends in a room, and um he said, Guys, I'm gonna put God in the black chair, and he let God have it, you know, why my son?

00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:37.200
You know, take me, not my son.

00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:38.640
This is so unfair.

00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:47.359
And so this was a minister openly expressing anger toward God for something that was happened to his beloved son.

00:29:48.640 --> 00:30:03.680
And I guess that honesty, that black chair, that that place to be um open with how we felt about tragedies that didn't seem deserved was something that I continued to experience in my life.

00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:08.559
And dad continued to give me, it's okay, baby, you can be angry.

00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:09.680
It's okay.

00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:13.039
And um oh, how beautiful.

00:30:13.279 --> 00:30:13.920
Yes.

00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:20.240
So it was um a gift he gave me, really, to be able to honestly express that.

00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:22.960
Otherwise, it was like a release valve.

00:30:23.119 --> 00:30:28.000
I had to express it, um, but still remain faithful, you know.

00:30:28.799 --> 00:30:34.559
I say that I've been in a relationship with God for as long as I can remember, but not always on speaking terms.

00:30:35.759 --> 00:30:37.119
Oh my gosh, I love that.

00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:39.200
That sounds like another title to a book.

00:30:39.440 --> 00:30:41.039
That is so good.

00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:45.440
Oh gosh, but he understands, he can take it, you know.

00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:51.759
And I think your your uh dad had a sermon, uh, How Mean Is Your God?

00:30:52.079 --> 00:30:55.119
I mean, that I would have loved to have heard that sermon.

00:30:55.359 --> 00:31:00.799
Yes, it was a powerful one, and uh I think I have a recording of it somewhere.

00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:17.680
He did send me all those tapes, but uh yeah, it's um when people say, you know, God doesn't give you more than you can handle, or everything happens for a reason, or oh you alone have the strength to deal with this.

00:31:17.759 --> 00:31:23.839
You know, God gave you this, it it puts God in a not a companion position.

00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:32.160
And dad always said, you know, look for God at the not at the point of cause, but at the point of cure, how he can help you get through a situation.

00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:33.920
That's just so beautiful.

00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:45.759
Also, you know, your mom, she um had a little bit of a moment herself when she was just really tired of people asking her how she was.

00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:57.920
And, you know, I mean, I felt that for her in that, you know, I mean, that people are really just being nice when they're asking that, but she's like, Well, how do you think I am?

00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:01.440
And I think that we all need to just let that out.

00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:10.720
People are trying to be nice, but it's really hard to present that face of like, I'm good, I'm good, especially after she had lost her husband.

00:32:10.880 --> 00:32:13.839
Um, that would just be horrific.

00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:16.559
And, you know, she just wanted to let that out.

00:32:16.799 --> 00:32:26.480
Yes, it was it was really beautiful how she pivoted on that one because it was the simple question people were asking, How are you?

00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:31.519
And that's the where she expressed what you said, you know, how do they think I'm doing?

00:32:31.599 --> 00:32:34.319
I lost my husband, you know, the whole.

00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:38.559
So I was trying for several phone calls.

00:32:38.640 --> 00:32:42.559
I was trying to be very careful about not asked that question.

00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:49.119
And she at one point I I slipped and I said that, you know, how are you doing?

00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:50.880
I thought, oh my gosh, I've triggered her at this.

00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:51.519
Here we go.

00:32:51.680 --> 00:32:54.559
And she goes, Well, baby, I'm a doing.

00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:57.039
That's how I'm doing, I'm a doing.

00:32:57.359 --> 00:33:03.440
And I thought, what a beautiful thing to say, you know, just not I'm fine, I'm a doing.

00:33:03.759 --> 00:33:08.559
I am doing what's what's next, what I need to be doing.

00:33:08.799 --> 00:33:14.000
And that kind of became kind of Rachel and our code word as we're talking to each other.

00:33:14.160 --> 00:33:14.559
How are you?

00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:20.880
And if you're undoing, that means you're struggling, but you are, you know, you're not fine, but you're undoing.

00:33:21.279 --> 00:33:25.440
Yeah, that's a great way for her to answer during such a hard time.

00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:29.119
And I think I used to always just say, I'm Peachy.

00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:30.160
Oh.

00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:37.759
But I mean, I I I guess I was being smart, but I also really meant that.

00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:40.480
You know, I was really just trying to keep moving.

00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:47.759
You went to your uh parents' house when you knew that your dad was not going to make it.

00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:54.480
And one of the things that I loved, this is again another one of those bittersweet kind of things.

00:33:54.720 --> 00:34:01.839
He met you outside when you arrived, and you ran into his arms and you said that you wouldn't have missed his adventure.

00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:06.960
I just sat in that and I was just like, wow.

00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:07.920
I mean, what?

00:34:08.079 --> 00:34:16.159
I mean, I don't know if that's coping, but the way that your family would call those types of hard truths, adventures with uncertain outcomes.

00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:20.320
I mean, did that help you embrace the hard realities?

00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:26.559
You know, I think what it did was it allowed me to hold things lightly.

00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:34.239
Because when you're on an adventure, you're not sure exactly what's next, but you know it's an opportunity for learning.

00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:38.159
You know that the unexpected is probably gonna happen.

00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:47.199
And for the guy that says what's planned is possible, and my mother's saying was, you know, I've got to get my duck ducks in a row.

00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:54.079
If you have plans that are too tightly held, when they go sideways, you're at a loss.

00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:58.559
But if you hold them lightly, then you can pivot more.

00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:09.760
It's those shock absorbers we talked about earlier, where you can absorb a little bit more, but you can also be open to what that circumstance ha offers.

00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:25.679
Um I think I one of the things I mentioned in the book, and probably both of them, is one of dad's things that he said that is similar, is no experience is wasted unless you let it be.

00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:33.280
And so if you approach things as an adventure, then you're probably gonna learn something here.

00:35:33.440 --> 00:35:40.000
It might not be exactly what you want to learn, but right that opens it up, the opportunity up.

00:35:40.159 --> 00:35:50.639
And you know, it's a really positive way to look at hardship, but I feel like if you have that as a goal and fall short, at least you've aimed high.

00:35:51.199 --> 00:36:02.639
And maybe what you what you are able to achieve is just a little better than what you would have if you just think of it as a as a a list that you've got to move through, you know, a dirge.

00:36:02.800 --> 00:36:05.920
It's it's not, it's an opportunity too.

00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:23.039
And hopefully it'll be you'll something positive will come out of it, but um, it doesn't make the journey uh any less laborious, but perhaps it gets more ripe with opportunities to learn if it's approached that way.

00:36:23.599 --> 00:36:39.039
You're reminding me of when your husband did remarry, and that was a hard truth, and that was something that would have caused a lot of uh walls to go up, you know, when Cindy, his new wife, she showed up.

00:36:39.199 --> 00:36:48.800
I think it was some kind of a store, and she's like, you know, trying to let you know who she was, and um then she starts showing up at games and different things like that.

00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:53.679
I mean, that would have been so hard, but eventually she got closer to you.

00:36:53.760 --> 00:37:05.679
You let her in more, you spent more time with her, you even traveled with her, and it just showed me that sometimes if we let those walls down, you know, we can let those hard things in.

00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:07.920
So it might be better than we think.

00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:10.079
Uh and it has been.

00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:14.320
It has it has been totally worth it.

00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:16.719
We are still very good friends.

00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:21.679
I can say that you know, I I love her like a family member.

00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:24.880
We've we've worked hard at that relationship.

00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:45.199
Uh initially, I think it was I was operating in my children's best interest because I felt like it would be too hard for everything that my kids have been through to try to absorb my dislike of their father's choice for his um wife.

00:37:46.079 --> 00:37:49.119
And there were many things about her to love.

00:37:49.280 --> 00:37:50.880
It was easy to lean into that.

00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:57.440
She was respectful of me, she was uh helpful to my children, uh, she cared for my children.

00:37:57.760 --> 00:38:00.159
So it's all about that focus.

00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:03.920
Like, what can I focus on for her uh with her?

00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:06.880
And she's a lovely human being.

00:38:07.119 --> 00:38:09.119
I'm glad she's in my life.

00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:15.199
But it it's it was it was not an easy choice to I take that back.

00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:25.519
After a while, it became a very easy choice to choose my children and their welfare over my you know hurt or whatever I felt at the time.

00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:35.440
Um it it was easy to look at their best interests, and uh she wound up being pretty easy to love.

00:38:36.480 --> 00:38:40.400
And I think that that's a another theme that kind of runs through your books.

00:38:40.639 --> 00:38:49.920
I know what your dad said in putting yourself first, but you always took your whole entire family situation into account before while you made decisions.

00:38:50.079 --> 00:38:53.199
I think that that really says a lot about who you are.

00:38:53.599 --> 00:38:55.039
Well, thank you.

00:38:55.199 --> 00:38:56.159
I appreciate that.

00:38:56.320 --> 00:39:06.400
I I will say one of the things mom talks about uh was uh her one of her favorite uh actresses was Sophia Loren.

00:39:07.519 --> 00:39:16.639
And um they would um they asked her, you know, how do you fall in love with so many men in all the movies that she had?

00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:33.280
And she would say, Um, I find something about them to love, whether it be their eyes or their lips or their hair, or you can focus on that part of them as she's um portraying this love.

00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:42.320
And I think it led to my idea that everybody sparkles in a different place, you know, they to look for people's sparkle.

00:39:42.559 --> 00:39:44.880
You said that in one of your morning fuels.

00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:47.119
Yes, yeah.

00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:57.280
So uh, and I decided, you know, to to look for people's sparkle and let my sparkle show more, and that's when I bought some gold sequin boots.

00:39:57.360 --> 00:39:59.760
And uh somebody had said when you're paralyzed.

00:40:00.320 --> 00:40:42.159
you know in a wheelchair if you can't stand up stand out and so I'm like I like my blingy jewelry and I'll like my sparkle boots and you know it's it's it's fun it's fun and sometimes you just gotta go with what you got right you do and you do a couple more things and then we'll end but I wanted to touch on something that you said about anger you know rightfully so you were angry and you heard in Ernie Larson's self-help tapes that unresolved anger has adverse effects and all it does is fixate us on the point of the pain.

00:40:42.480 --> 00:40:49.280
So can you talk about not focusing on the point of pain?

00:40:50.480 --> 00:41:13.840
Yeah I loved his illustration he talks about unresolved anger fixating you in your point of pain much like those projects in science class where you would have the insect and they would have the little pin through them and you need to take that pin out you know that's what it's like to take the pin out of something that's fixating you in your pen in your pain.

00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:22.239
So I think again it's that that process of being honest about I'm in pain.

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It's honest about your capacity to deal with that pain and who can come around you to help you relieve that pain and work through that pain.

00:41:35.360 --> 00:42:16.000
So I I I think that's really important because this unresolved anger can pop out in different ways you don't even know you know it's that whole thing about you're angry and you kick the dog and it's like it wasn't the dog's fault it was you know I would never kick my dog if that's for sure idea of it it it it permeates in your attitude and yeah your countenance you know you need to really figure out a way to to get that out the unresolved anger yeah and it will come out it'll just shoot out in different ways and hit people and things in a way that you know is just it's just not productive.

00:42:16.320 --> 00:42:16.800
Right.

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I have to mention this really hard moment and but it's also again another beautiful part to your story where your sister Rachel kind of brought something out and your mom passed and then Matthew's passing right after could you tell that story and and what Rachel said to you yes so it was another one of these are you kidding me moment so um we knew mom was medic was um was at the end of her time we had we had been told that um that you know she could be dying in the next few weeks um and Matt my son Matthew had been in the hospital with pneumonia so these these were sequentially I think mother I'm not sure exactly the order of I think Matthew was hospitalized right after um um mother we got the word that mother wasn't doing very well so I first got the call that that my mom had died and so I was making funeral arrangements with that um and then six hours later I get the call that Matthew has died and I just was stunned I just was absolutely stunned so Rachel was on her way driving to West Virginia to start making funeral arrangements for mom and I called her and I said sis you aren't gonna believe this Matthew died and no she didn't even say I can't believe it's you know she just said maybe it's mom's time to take care of him and it just it grounded me it uh made me be okay with it because it was just two huge losses within six hours and so I called our minister here I just called him about mom's funeral and I said you're not gonna believe this but my son just died too and it's really hard to like catch a minister off guard you know just because you know they've heard it all but oh yeah I think I've really caught him off guard.

00:44:51.360 --> 00:45:19.679
So uh it was pretty amazing but I've rested in that through the years through you know his mom is with Matthew and finally because he had suffered so uh with the the degeneration of the disease and the more frequent seizures and it was he had suffered so so I was it was really a comfort in the thought but I don't know where she came up with that but it was just perfect for that time.

00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:26.719
Yeah I think that she even said you know that she had wanted to take care of him and she was just taking with him with her.

00:45:26.960 --> 00:45:32.800
I mean maybe I don't know I mean that that just was so perfect.

00:45:32.960 --> 00:48:12.239
I mean the fact that they died six hours apart it just really did feel like your mom just took him with her and she's got him now through the years she would be you know she would remember you know his birthday and and just remember his you know anniversary of this and anniversary of that and just in a very loving way knew that she was uh would let me know that he was primary in her thoughts more so than anybody else really so maybe it made it whole it all made sense what my sister said it really did you know I I can just feel your pain I can feel you know your bravery I can feel just how strong you are and I pictured a lot of your life uh at times at times barely keeping your head above water have you gone because it feels but I'm not going to answer it for you have you gone from surviving to truly living again you know it's never finished it's it's a daily struggle sometimes I think I I live on the edge of a pity pit but uh I think uh this there's a a mentality of even though whatever my latest limitation is I can still and really leaning into that I can still do this I can walk but I can write I you know I'm not comfortable in this situation but I'm very comfortable in that situation and and try because the aging process you know complicates things and so I my goal is to live fully in this life I didn't plan and my my goal is to also uh live what I believe which is life can be good no matter what um and to try to seek that good and to live fully for that so uh it's I think I'm doing my mom would just say sometimes BB you know you're doing mighty well when I felt like I was falling short and I think I'm doing mighty well I will see that at least today right yep sometimes it's moment by moment one of the most shocking words that you wrote and I thought about it later I was like well maybe it isn't that shocking because you said I would change nothing.

00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:48.639
Again you know it just took me back to Forest but you know this was a goal of yours a mantra you say we have to accept what we know and rethink the possible you learn to live life with the lessons and you had so many questions why was my why my brother's death why my paralysis why my daughter's autism why my mother's and son's death at the same time I don't know the answers but I will keep on live living even with the unanswered questions that is just so beautifully said.

00:48:49.039 --> 00:49:18.400
Thank you I you know I have a lot of them um but I think it's where we place them in our mind too if if we are always looking through the why instead of the how or all the injustices instead of the good that we have left it makes life uh more challenging than it needs to be there's a way to manage that but it's work I say life can be good no matter what but can implies work.

00:49:18.559 --> 00:49:19.840
It's not life is good.

00:49:20.079 --> 00:50:05.440
Yes life can be good yes there's effort in that there is effort yes and it is a two-way street I mean God does you know he'll meet us halfway and that's what I always say anyway and sometimes he does 80 and you know but um it does take effort on our parts and we can and he is so we just need to lean on him and and and we really can no matter how hard it is we are um full of other people's words you know I mean this was proof of it I mean we're just so and it's that it's also proof of why we need to fill ourselves up with the positive words.

00:50:05.920 --> 00:50:10.880
What message would you like people to take from rethinking possible and mourning fuel?

00:50:10.960 --> 00:51:53.599
What are the main messages that you want them to get I think that it is life can be good no matter what and it can mean effort I think that it is uh a worthwhile pursuit to keep rethinking possible to keep rethinking what you can do and work hard toward getting toward that yes and that you can't do it alone to please reach out to other people and let them help you in your journey how can people get your books I got mine on Amazon um but do you have a a website how can people um get a hold of you or you know just read your books uh yes so my website is my name Bethy Galli B-E-C-K-Y-G-A-L-L-I dot com and my books are available anywhere books are sold that's Amazon Barnes and Noble your independent local bookstore uh they're also available through my website if you want to look at all the places that they're they are locally or um anywhere actually uh and I also do a column called Thoughtful Thursdays that if they want to sign up for that they are um I would welcome them uh on Thursdays sometimes every Thursday sometimes once a month only when I have something to say I'll uh give a little thought for the day something that's in inspired or encouraged or made me think that that week and that's where your podcast will be uh I usually try to feature some podcasts at the end of my uh thoughtful Thursday so people can learn more about what's going on.

00:51:53.920 --> 00:52:37.599
Well I think I'm going to join that email so you might see my email come up I would love to yeah I want to read more so I absolutely will well Rebecca Gally or Becky Gally for those who are friends and maybe I could call you that you are proof that even with unanswered questions that we can still choose to live fully thank you for helping us refuel when we feel empty and you know for all of our listeners we always say that there's purpose in the pain and there is hope in the journey and I want to thank everybody for joining us today and I want to thank you Rebecca for being here today and uh doing this extraordinary journey with us.

00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:41.599
Thank you so much and for everybody out there we will see you next time.

00:52:41.920 --> 00:52:42.639
Thanks so much.

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A pleasure to be with you