Brain Wiring, Not Character Flaws; Symptoms, not Bad Behavior with RJ Formanek
Ever watch someone recite the rules and still miss the first step? We dive into that gap with FASD advocate RJ Formanek to reveal what’s actually happening under the surface —and why replacing blame with understanding can change a life. We’re talking brain wiring, not character flaws; symptoms, not “bad behavior.” Through raw stories and clear examples, we map how memory, language, and sensory processing collide in real time and why so many kids and adults feel mislabeled, misunde...
Ever watch someone recite the rules and still miss the first step? We dive into that gap with FASD advocate RJ Formanek to reveal what’s actually happening under the surface —and why replacing blame with understanding can change a life. We’re talking brain wiring, not character flaws; symptoms, not “bad behavior.” Through raw stories and clear examples, we map how memory, language, and sensory processing collide in real time and why so many kids and adults feel mislabeled, misunderstood, and exhausted by systems built for different brains.
RJ shares his late diagnosis at 47 and the identity whiplash that followed, from internalizing “I’m bad” to discovering empathy, community, and purpose. Together, we unpack dysmaturity—the mismatch between age and functional skills across executive function, social understanding, daily living, and emotions. You’ll hear how someone can speak like a college grad but process like a seventh grader, and how that mismatch derails classrooms, workplaces, and families when expectations don’t match reality.
We move from theory to tools: how to externalize memory with visuals and checklists, use speech-to-text to bypass motor barriers, shorten instructions, and build movement and breaks into the day. We explore expressive versus receptive language gaps, why abstract idioms tank comprehension, and how to pace and simplify without condescension. We also get honest about sensory overload—crowded rooms, forced eye contact, bright lights—and how small environmental shifts can prevent meltdowns and preserve dignity.
The big takeaway: connection is protective. Consistency, curiosity, and equity open doors that punishment slams shut. If you’re a parent, teacher, clinician, or someone who has always felt “different,” this conversation offers a compassionate roadmap for support that actually works—and a new way to see behavior as communication from a differently wired brain.
If this resonates, follow the show, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest reframe so others can find this conversation.
@Real Talk with Tina and Ann
00:08 - Naming FASD And Reframing “Behavior”
01:20 - RJ’s Late Diagnosis And Identity Shift
04:30 - From “Bad Kid” To Advocate
07:10 - Why Connection Beats Consequences
08:18 - Dismaturity Across Life Domains
12:26 - Academic Barriers And Learning Styles
16:21 - Support Over Punishment At School And Home
19:40 - Cognition, Working Memory, And Inner Monologues
23:11 - Expressive vs Receptive Language Gaps
27:39 - Memory: Short, Working, Long-Term
32:06 - Neuroanatomy, Overload, And Sensory Needs
35:32 - Key Takeaways And Part Two Teaser
