What if the Love you Learned wasn't Love at All

What if the love you learned was never love at all  but performance, peacekeeping, and fear dressed up as care?

In this week’s episode of Real Talk with Tina and Ann, I sit down with my friend Denise Bard for one of the most honest and healing conversations we’ve ever had. Together, we tell the truth about what it’s like to grow up inside conditional love  where affection depended on compliance, worth was measured by perfection, and survival meant disappearing parts of ourselves just to stay safe.

It’s tender. It’s raw. And it’s full of hope.

🌱 The Blueprint We Inherited

So many of us grew up believing that love meant pleasing people, keeping the peace, or holding it all together so no one else would fall apart. We learned that attention was affection, and approval was identity. Public perfection often hid private pain.

Denise shares how a shelter caseworker once showed her what unconditional love actually looked like  and how that one relationship rewired her belief in what was possible. I talk about how performance became my safety blanket  how I tried to earn love, hide family trauma, and control my environment so no one saw the chaos underneath.

Parenthood changed everything. It forced me to choose presence over fear, repair over reactivity, and to finally create a home where love didn’t have conditions  where no matter what actually meant no matter what.

💬 The Work of Rebuilding

We talk about the slow, stubborn work of unlearning.
Of letting go of the roles we played to survive — the fixer, the quiet one, the strong one — and giving ourselves permission to be human again.

We explore:

• Self-worth affirmations that actually land (not just stick-on positivity).

• Journaling practices that track progress when healing feels invisible.

• Boundaries that protect love instead of punish it.

And we ask the hard questions:
How do you end contact with unsafe relatives without guilt?
How do you build a home where truth doesn’t cost you belonging?

💞 Loving Differently

If you’ve ever confused peace with people-pleasing or chemistry with chaos, this conversation is for you.
It’s a guide to loving differently — to being seen, staying whole, and choosing connection without conditions.

We talk about laying down burdens that were never ours to carry, refusing to apologize for someone else’s harm, and letting “wanted” become part of our identity. Because love that heals doesn’t require you to shrink. It invites you to expand.

🎧 Listen and Reflect

This episode is more than a conversation — it’s a mirror.
If it resonates with you, tap follow, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so others can find Real Talk with Tina & Ann.

And I’d love to hear from you:
👉 What’s one belief about love you’re ready to release?