The Weight of Silence: Family Secrets and Identity
Send us a text Ann and returning guest Denise Bard explore how family secrets shape our identity, relationships, and sense of self, inspired by the Mariska Hargitay documentary "My Mom, Jane." They share personal experiences with secrets kept from them that affected their core identities and discuss the trauma of carrying others' shame. • According to research, 97% of families keep some type of secret, with those related to identity, trauma, or betrayal causing the most psychological damage ...
Ann and returning guest Denise Bard explore how family secrets shape our identity, relationships, and sense of self, inspired by the Mariska Hargitay documentary "My Mom, Jane." They share personal experiences with secrets kept from them that affected their core identities and discuss the trauma of carrying others' shame.
• According to research, 97% of families keep some type of secret, with those related to identity, trauma, or betrayal causing the most psychological damage
• Secrets create emotional isolation, especially for children who feel they're carrying family shame
• When someone tells you something didn't happen when you saw it with your own eyes, it creates a form of "crazy-making" that causes you to doubt your perception
• Finding out family secrets later in life can cause profound identity shifts, forcing you to re-evaluate who you thought you were
• Breaking the cycle of secrecy is possible by choosing transparency with your own children in age-appropriate ways
• Secrets can be inherited—not just events, but the silence, shame, and survival behaviors
• The healing process is valid however it unfolds, and sometimes telling the truth will break something that needed to break
Remember that there is purpose in our pain and hope in our journey, even when that journey includes uncovering difficult truths about our families and ourselves.
@Real Talk with Tina and Ann
00:08 - Introducing the Mariska Hargitay Documentary
04:32 - The Destructive Power of Family Secrets
09:50 - When Truths Are Hidden From Children
15:35 - The Emotional Toll of Keeping Secrets
28:09 - Trust and Identity Fractured by Secrets
36:27 - Breaking Cycles and Choosing Truth
52:50 - Finding Freedom Beyond Family Secrets